Today is Friday - tomorrow I am moving! (only a few feet away) but OMG...
Despite the seemingly endless reasons to feel miserable right now, I know that everything that is happening now on this planet is part of the awakening necessary for real healing to occur.
On the microlevel, I would not have healed myself if my body did not cry out in discomfort and sadly, it seems that our planet (America especially) is now crying out and though it feels horrible now with what is happening in places like Minneapolis;
Had Hillary Clinton won, I personally feel like all of the innate racism in America would have been swept under the rug like it had been done every other election since the Civil Rights Movement, but now it is coming to the surface... and it is extremely painful....
I take solace in the fact that there are more un-racist people/peaceful people than racist people out there... and I also know that racist people are themselves victims of trauma that led them to their hate-filled lense of perception. I have compassion for everyone always, and do my best to be part of the solution and not the problem!!!
....I am not blind to the fact too however that the media/our society has a vested interest in promoting racism/racial inequality (despite programs like Affirmative Action)
Why is the news promoting division and fear? Why aren't they offering any kind of solution to end the systemic reasons this is all happening? I have covered my views on this in other posts.....
I am so thankful that Reverend Michael Beckwith (who led the mediation last week and runs Agape Spiritual Center here in Los Angeles) held a WONDERFUL conversation last night about how racism is a cry out for spiritual healing....
As Reverend Beckwith says, no baby is born racist - it is all learned!!
You can watch some fascinating perspectives here...
America Cries for Spiritual Healing w/ Michael B. Beckwith
Please watch this and know that we shall get through this!!!!!
Now that being said, I know in my heart that for me to be the most helpful on this planet during this transformation, it is best for me to get out of a city (and into nature - both to avoid 5G and also the collective sadness which is hard to handle as an empath) but I am also going to do this at my own pace and in the meantime, I am so beyond thankful to move in with my friend George today.(How interesting his name is George, considering what is going on this week....)
Deep in my soul, I know moving in with George is the best next step!
I have not had a roommate of any kind since September 2016 but I am genuinely excited because George is my best friend and we are both loners and I am able to communicate my needs and boundaries to him in a healthy way.
Both my astrological natal chart and my Human Design chart suggested to me that though I need a lot of time alone, I actually thrive in life/work better in partnership/with others.....
I highly recommend doing a natal chart on Astrolabe.com... It is SO ACCURATE! Here is just 1 page of 25, which, if you have read my previous posts or know me in real life (or both!), feels very accurate!!!
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The more we can understand ourselves the more we can heal, and heal our planet collectively.....
When I read this detail in the bottom "Sun in "Libra" that I "definitely prefer not to be alone" , I was puzzled (over a year ago when I first read this) since I have done everything ALONE my whole life - or felt trapped in any kind of longterm partnership (work relationship or romantic relationship) - but I realize that my loner-tendency was somewhat of a defense mechanism/away to not ever have to deal with conflict/setting boundaries because my inherent nature is to give and give and then feel guilty about having my own needs... (up until now and healing from this misbelief)
I know I definitely do need alone time - in Human Design, Projectors are actually told to sleep alone most nights of the week - which I feel best doing, honestly!!!!) but I also do enjoy company from other people - especially if it feels safe to have my own needs (including my need for alone time!)
I was plagued with the fears I had about speaking up for my needs to others (because I felt ashamed and fearful of hurting anyone's feelings) - so I avoided conflict at all costs by isolating myself -- but I am now learning that all relationships have conflicts that come up ... and if you are in a relationship of any kind with a healthy person - they are able to handle your needs, especially if you articulate yourself in a loving way without making the other person "wrong"
If I avoid a relationship/friendship/partnership , because I don't want to risk conflict,I am also are also avoiding the chance at a wonderful experience of getting to know another person and myself even better, through partnership...
This is of course, if I am in a relationship/friendship/partnership with a healthy person who is able to handle disagreements without yelling at you or silently distancing themselves from me...
In the past, I have had friends who, once we have a conflict, it ends poorly and then we never talk again - and I know that I attracted these types of people into my life because deep down, that was the only version of communication that I thought was possible...
Watching my dad yell; and watching my mom feel sad and go silently into her room/not stand up for herself.... I never saw people communicate and come out on the other side closer than before!!!
Because of this, I learned to judge people with "needs" as "selfish" since I felt like I was being "selfish" for having needs.....
When I was younger and misinformed on what healthy communication looked like, if someone disagreed with me or asked me to do something differently, I would feel very hurt and take things personally/have a bruised ego, because I equated being criticized with being "inherently bad" or "stupid" and my Ego couldn't handle that, so I pushed people away, which is definitely not productive, but I also forgive myself for this misbelief, which I think is ingrained in so many of us unless we are given another example of what boundaries/needs/relationship can be..!
I am finally learning, through my friendship with George (and especially 2 of my very close friends, Secily and Laura) that it possible to express myself and not get yelled at or abandoned by them for expressing uncomfortable feelings or issues/needs/boundarie that involve them - I am so thankful to these 3 incredibly brave and supportive friends of mine, who like me, are constantly focused on self-development and uncovering what healthy communication looks like! (not so much George, but he is 59 and came from a family where communication was encouraged)
I believe that me being on antidepressants for 11 years helped me avoid the excruciating emotional pains (of witnessing so much injustice/trauma) which I am now finally healing in healthy ways........
NOW ONTO OTHER TOPICS...
Speaking of antidepressants, this video below shows the effects of antidepressants on rats and how it affects their level of empathy/helping others..... (Don't worry; no animal gets harmed in the video! It is just a very fascinating study!!!)
As you just saw, this study suggests that our empathy (caring for others) is innate/experienced by all living things.
This study is amazing and makes a lot of sense to me about why our society ignores homeless people sleeping on the street and treats it as "normal" and "just the way it is", considering such high levels of psychotropic medicine/antidepressant use....
The discomfort of witnessing/FEELING another person/animal in distress forces us to act and help them PARTIALLY BECAUSE IT causes so much pain in US and we want to remove the pain (which we feel from another who is in pain)!!!!
If we are on anti-depressants, it can dull our empathy, which makes us not as affected by those in pain.
I can definitely relate to this as when I am near a visibly anxious dog/human/even seeing a lonely bird in a cage in someone's window, I feel completely on-edge and want to make them feel better...!!! It is like my empathy is in overdrive....
Being on antidepressants for 11 years definitely helped me feel LESS of the world; but perhaps this level of discomfort (we feel in our empathy) is what we all collectively need to shift into the New Paradigm of harmony and true healing!
But I also understand that the world feels like it is TOO PAINFUL sometimes to even begin to help someone else!!!
Considering we are bombarded with the news depicting everyone in pain, our empathy-ability gets so worn out that of course we would want to medicate -whether with social media/medication/alcohol/food - otherwise we might FEEL ALL THE FEELINGS OF EMPATHY that could bring our planet back to homeostatis where nobody gets left behind!!!
There must be another way!
Another topic...
There were many studies done by a doctor named Dr EMoto which show that thoughts/intentions affect the shape of water molecules!
Our bodies are 50-75% water.
The basic conclusion is that the more fearful your thoughts, the more
From the quarantine, to recent shootings, to whatever tragedy comes next, there is always something to be "worried about" yet when we reframe it with the following quote "Worrying is praying for what you don't want", it makes sense our bodies' water might look like the "Before Prayer" photo ...
It is also interesting that we are made guilty/seen as selfish for not having constant public outrage/never-ending worrying.... Who benefits from this?
These images were taken from a new documentary which just came out this week called Close Encounters of the 5th Kind, which is available online, including Amazon Prime... If you do use Amazon, you can make sure that it donates to a charity of your choice using Smile.Amazon.com!
