Hello my wonderful friend,
I went down a rabbit hole and discovered a book written in the 1950s called "YOUR HEALTH - YOUR SANITY - IN THE AGE OF TREASON" (fun title!) which argues that our food and medicine is deliberately toxic to create complacent docile impotent Americans and goes into detail about Flouride and food additives...
WHAT A FUN BEACH READ!
I guess you could say this is the first CoNsPiRaCy book!
(which of course, I want to read!!!)
HOWEVER,
I truly don't have the emotional capacity to read it right now as I am feeling extremely sensitive to any new information which might make me even more anxious.... but I read the summary and I definitely want to read it! You can download it directly here
Is there any truth to this book or concepts presented?
I don't know, but as someone who has been on a healing journey, I find it interesting that someone would pose these kinds of unpopular questions over 60 years ago....
I feel very sensitive, but I really want to read this book!
But I feel like I am at my bandwith limit for any more information - and can barely be on the computer/phone much in the last few days.... (I need to ground out all the energy in the park and put my feet in the ground, which helps - sincerely!)
I got stung by a bee a few days ago and have been not been as physically active/exercising as much the last week while I allow my ankle to heal and all of my pent up energy (coupled with accidentally eating new B12 vitamins with dairy in them, which I am allergic to) has made me feeling very very scared/overwhelmed in the past 2 days (despite my new mindset around death) as my pent-up energy and my intuition feels like I really must get out of Los Angeles and all big cities ... but I do not want to be far from my doctors!
I really do not know what to do and it is really scary to me.
I am remembering to take deep breaths and feel my feet on the ground, and remember I am safe and free in this moment, and the next one and. the next one....
(but)
Between the virus (which will likely make a second round or more until we are forcefully encouraged to "get a vaxxine" or not be allowed in private property such as stores/airports/etc without a mask or shot), riots, 5G, LA homelessness, high prices and dry climate with poor air quality, I know it is time for me to leave - but I really do not know where!
I feel like I am at the edge of a cliff and ready to jump but not sure which direction...
I am grateful that I now know how to drive but it overwhelms me to give up my living situation without knowing what's next - but it feels like GO TIME inside my soul...
I really don't know what to do so I will pray for a clear answer and remember that there is "no right or wrong answer, only learning" (but it is scary to go into the Unknown!!!!)
I have to remember that The Earth is my home; not a specific house - and it is okay to have a sense of impermanence while I seek out "greener pastures" - but it is still scary to be brave and take risks, in any capacity!
I visited Portland Oregon in the summer of 2018 after I sold my dad's house to see if I wanted to live there, and I found the energy to be strange....
But now it feels like there is a real sense of urgency to leave, like never before....
Now that many states are making vaxxines mandatory for children, I feel like adults are next - and I either need to move to a Republican state (who would have thought?) or another country, since I do not want to be forced to ever take any shots that might make me lose the quality of health and clarity that I have worked so hard to achieve....That is really my biggest issue . I have spent years and thousands of dollars healing myself - and I want to get healthier and healthier; not be forced to do anything which might compromise my health under the guise of being "for the greater good" -
I care about everyone and I want everyone to be healthy - and I now know in my heart that health starts with immunity, not foreign objects forcefully administered without any concern for bioindividuality... at least not for me (because of my terrible experience with Gardasil, as proof)
My amazingly kind and logical friend who I am living with does not believe in any conspiracies whatsoever and isn't scared of anything - which is completely inspiring - but in a way, that makes me even more scared, as if I am crazy to be so fearful right now...
He encourages me not to read any of this stuff and just focus on my immediate health and the people around me who I love; not try to 'save the world' and not let scary theories into my brain...
I really respect his point and I am open to criticism...
I am wondering if perhaps I have an Adrenaline/Cortisol Addiction, which is why I am constantly reading things which are of occult/conspiratorial nature?
Am I making my life harder than. it has to be out of some chemical desire?
Why do I choose to look into the darkness of humanity, when it might not even be real?
What benefit is there for me to read all of this stuff which validates a sinister view of things?
I really don't know!
But somehow, I feel safer being informed than ignoring these possibilities right now - since nothing in society makes sense right now to me (it never did, but especially now....)
Some of the other questioning humans out there who are sounding the alarms which I am clearly fascinated by are....
a
b
c
d
e
f
g
h
You can see their perspectives if you want to see why I feel like there are more and more people questioning these things!
Are all these people "crazy" or "sane"?
Am I crazy or sane?
Who is the judge? :)
I very much wish really wish that I could ignore things and did not have similar concerns as these people - (that there is an intentional plot to divide humanity and weaken people's intuitions or physical health or sense of free will and empowerment) - I wish I could ignore all of this like my friend George does and just "enjoy each day, day to day"...!
I wish I could be care free!
I am going to work on that
("HONEY, CAN'T YOU SEE I AM BUSY WORKING ON BEING CAREFREE?" sounds so funny, doesn't it?)
I am going to go back to reading The Magic by Rhonda Byrne every morning to get me back on track - this is the book that has helped me more than any other in my entire life!!! Our perspectives create our reality and it is up to me whether I have a hopeful or fearful perspective...
Fear freezes me; hope energizes me!
The thing that embarasses me is that with all the time I am researching "the truth", I am not focusing on my. immediate desire to move - or my invention which could help people and be a source of income, which is something I want to focus on - but now with my HEIGHTENED desire to move, I am sort of not even enthusiastic about finishing my invention until after I move .... but where?
I just listened inward and my intuition says:
-take a cool shower
-eat protein (to stabilizie blood sugar)
-journal your fears and then rip them up
-visualize the ideal outcome you want
-finish cleaning your room
-call your mom
-work on invention
-go to park and meditate with feet in ground
So I am going to do that! While remembering to take deep breaths and know that this too shall pass!
My discussion of astrocartography will have to wait!
Thanks for reading and know that whatever happens, we are all okay in this very moment...and this one...and this one...
...and this one!
Bye for now! XOXO
