As I have mentioned, I currently live in a big building complex where all the neighbors know each other. I am not close friends with anyone here except my friend George, which is funny because he lived here for over 20 years before me, and said in the entire time, I have been the only friend he has had here... He literally doesn't talk to anyone and he actually inspires me because he doesn't have the need to be liked by everyone, which is very refreshing to me!!! He is not "mean" to anyone, but he doesn't feel the need to be understood by anyone, which is really admirable to me....since I am essentially a recovering "people pleaser" who used to desperately obsess if someone did not like me (even if I didn't like them!!!)
I was just leaving to go do an errand and one of the neighbors, who has an old dog, was leaving, and so I held the big heavy gate for her, and she looked me in the eye but didn't say thank you and I felt a bit of rage form in my throat since I find it so rude when you hold the door for someone, and they don't say thank you!
I do however have compassion for this woman who seems very depressed and smokes all the time, and I am sure she is very extra- scared in this pandemic. I know her actions are not personal....
I have always held the door for people - even since I am a young child, and since I am now very aware of my inner child right now and being loving to her as we navigate life together, I just left and took a walk and consoled myself/inner child for feeling so annoyed by this person looking me in the eye and not saying thank you; telling my inner child that even if this person does not say thank you - or like you or even hates you; even if this person is ungrateful that you held the door, this has NOTHING to do with you as a person. You did not do anything wrong and you have no idea what is going on in this person's life or the way they were raised, where perhaps they didn't learn manners... or perhaps since they were wearing a virus mask, you could not see their smile... Whatever it is, this has nothing to do with you! You must not make this your battle and let it disturb the rest of your day!!!!
Then the unloved-feeling childish Ego part of me said "next time I see this person I won't hold the door for her" and then I thought to myself/her that "No, that is not the answer"... And then, as I continued walking, the answer came to me very clearly as the best way to proceed in situations like that and/or all situations....
WHAT WOULD GOD OR JESUS OR GHANDI OR YOUR HIGHER SELF DO?
What would they do in this instance?
And that answer is to do what is right, even if someone else doesn't notice or appreciate it.
Do what is right for the sake of adding positivity to the planet, not negativity.....
And then it got me to thinking of all the keychains and bumper stickers that said "WWJD" in the 1990s (What Would Jesus Do) that everyone would mock - but now I honestly totally get it!!!!
Our immediate urge is to fight fire with fire and try to make the other person "wrong" as a way to protect our own Ego ("oh, she doesn't like me so I need to make her "wrong" since I am basing my sense of self over what this person does to me")..... but now as an adult, I don't need to do that - I can think "What would Jesus do?"
I find this so funny that in 2020, I would turn to Jesus Christ as a model after a lifetime of Atheism or running Jewish Rosaries™!
My dad was an only child but when he was 14, his cousin Arline came to live with him, (she was 8 years older), and he told me that she dressed very provocatively and he developed sexual feelings for her (because they shared a room...despite being related....) but it's interesting because I began a friendship with her (over the phone) and she was in her 90's and it was funny and odd when speaking to this little woman in a retirement home in Florida, to imagine her as a teenager and my dad having feelings for his cousin - which is just interesting when we somehow ignore the fact that old people were once young and vital and sexual - as if we need to ignore that part of them and view them as "pure" ... but anyway, the point of this story is that Arline told me that she hated living with my dad so much (because my grandparents were so verbally abusive to both she and him) that she ran away from home and married a Christian man she met at a phone booth, and she never came home again...
She then spent her life traveling between America and Israel teaching people the Bible as a "Jew for Jesus" and led over 90 tours to Israel in her lifetime...
She was such an interesting, kind and funny person and in the last year (2019), we developed an especially close friendship over the phone, as she is the only person in my family that discusses the plausibility that there is a God....
Last October I made the plan that I was finally going to visit her in Florida for a few days, and then suddenly, she died! Out of the blue! She was 92 so it is not unheard of, but when we spoke on the phone, she was so vibrant, and it just really upset me so deeply, especially because my grandmother (Grandma Blossom....isn't that the best name?) had just died a few days before (at 99!!!!)
October was quite a challenging month for me but I also know that it is a blessing that neither my grandma nor my cousin had to deal with the isolation and fear of this pandemic, in a strange way... I take comfort that they did not die during such an extra-strange time on the planet since Coronavirus began... though I miss them very much and was very close with both of them and love them so much!!!
I know that in a few posts ago, I mentioned that I went to an amazing doctor here in Los Angeles and he told me that he can speak with Spirits and he told me that he wanted to let me know that my childhood friend who killed himself about 6 years ago was .... physically attached to me because he was stuck in limbo/purgatory from killing himself and that I was his closest friend who would be able to understand this dilemma so he has been holding on, until I gained the clarity to be able to make this connection and figure out his state of afterlife distress (YES, REALLY) - and the way that that this doctor figured it out was because one of my "recently deceased relatives" had told him - and I said to him, was it Grandma Blossom or Cousin Arline? And he said "The one who was very holy and studied God" - and so I knew it was Cousin Arline (no offense Grandma Blossom, I love you! You are one of my best friends!!) .... The doctor said that in order to remove my friend's soul from being attached to my body, I had to take a photo of him and a photo of Mother Mary and a Catholic Rosary and combine them and pray for him and tell him that he could leave the limbo where lost souls go when they kill themselves...and that he could go into the Light and reconnect with God...
I know this story sounds "insane" but this is what happened!
Anyway, I did everything the doctor said (it didn't cost any money....) and I know in my heart that something changed after 3 days, which is what they doctor said it would take for his soul to finally leave... I felt so much lighter and open to true connection with men for the first time in many years... which somewhat stopped when my friend killed himself, since deep down, since we were children, I thought we would get married....! (He is the friend I mentioned who I went to Costa Rica with every summer - 7 times - with his verbally abusive father, who told us that we were stupid all the time...)
Anyway, the point of this very strange series of stories/experiences I have had is that I think I have figured out life and "why we are here" and what is going on right now on this planet....
Life is basically a test to see if we will follow our passions and helping others (God) or follow our fears and selfishness (the Devil)
(You can replace God with "The Universe" or a "Higher Power" if that
resonates... and maybe none of this resonates at all and that's OK too)
At the end of our lives, if we have lived morally and helped other people/helped Earth, we can return to the Infinite Source, which I imagine is Eternal Life and/or just going back into a Ball of Nothingness which feels like a warm bath....
or our souls come back over and over until we try to make it right again!!!
This is my current theory of life, and of course I am open to it changing, since it has changed so many times, but this is what I am feeling right now!!! (after a lifetime of inquiry/2 years of Spiritua Psychology school/hundreds of hours reading books from different religions/time experiencing different religions)
Regardless of what ideology I ascribe to, all I know is the following...
We are all so lucky and blessed to be alive and we all are born with dreams and desires to make things that help humanity....
When we are young, society/education/family steps in and accidentally poisons us with the belief that we cannot do everything that we "came here to do"
Entertainment and fear of poverty distracts us further from staying focused on our goals of creating things which might help humanity...
It is our goal to unlearn all the things and detoxify all the chemicals which have stopped us from living our true potential...
From that point, we must think of life like a 'test' - how will I go about each day as if I am a limitless child of God? How will I treat each person as if I am a limitless child of God? How will I treat my GOALS as if they are goals of a limitlesss child of God? How will I think of MYSELF if I think of myself as a limitless child of God? What will I surround myself with if I am a limitless Child of God? How will I trust life and myself and everything that happens to me if I know that I am a child of God?
If each interaction in life is an opportunity to act morally and as a child of God, how would you act?
This is not to feel frozen or afraid as if you are always being critiqued, but it is just a way to say "Is this opportunity a test for me to be in my loving/heart or act out of hate?" ... And if I am a child of God, then everyone else who I interact with is a Child of God too... and if they are a child of God, then they are also my sisters and brothers....how would I treat people who are my sisters or brothers (even if they are annoying and don't say "thank you" when you hold the door?!?!!)
You can think of every opportunity and interaction as a test - a test to see if you will live from your heart/kindness - or you will live from your fear/Ego/root chakra (which is associated with primitive urges/survival)
In the example of the neighbor, just because she did not say "thank you", it is still my responsibility to act as a Child of God - and also have compassion for her as my "sister" and trust that it is up to her to act morally, and that my righteousness ("she should have done differently!"/feeling of anger is not going to help her - but that I must lead by example, and act morally regardless of how anyone responds to me!!!
If I have to choose between pleasing someone (decisions that come from fear of being disliked) or pleasing God (decisions that come from my heart), I will choose to please God, since I now believe that it is God who chooses for us to be here!
I must realize that no matter what anyone thinks or says, if I am working to serve God through little things like holding the door - to bigger things like the betterment of humanity/all life forms, then it doesn't matter if people like me or not, who have been lost in their own sadness/Ego/toxicity... !
Literally, the WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? is going to be my new mantra from now on!
Who would have ever thought that something I saw at gas stations and made fun of would ever actually become a real mantra!?!
If you apply that mindset to every experience, things become a lot more exciting and amazing because you realize that you are only here to water the seeds of your ideas/inventions (which God has planted in you!) and that you are so capable!
If you view yourself as a Child of God, you can view yourself as a prince or princess (if you are a child of God, why not!!!!) and feel confident and capable and and see life as an opportunity and small amount of time on this planet to really live fully - and know that you must cast your fears and doubts aside to do what will actually be helpful to people!
What can you do that will be helpful to people (or animals or plants or minerals....)?
And what of those goals is equally exciting to you? What is that goal? What is it that excites you that will excite other people and better their lives?
Are you going to get deterred/distracted from your goal by "entertainment"/self doubt (all tools of the Devil a.k.a the negative forces that lead well-intentioned babies to grow into adults with a life unfulfilled ... however you define that...) OR are you going to stay on your path and follow your heart, which will always lead to acting morally????
You will be financially rewarded in relation to how much you help others doing whatever it is that truly excites you (these things which excite you are no accident but are seeds planted by God)- and you will actually be fulfilled doing so, as opposed to someone who inherits money without doing anything beneficial for others.....
Let us all remember how strong and worthy we are!!!! And that our combined power makes a big difference!
That's all for now!!!! GOING TO GO PUSH SOMEONE DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS FOR NO REASON and yell WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? Just kidding!
I am going to keep watering my seeds, remembering I am a Child of the Most High (4-20, bro)
6:28PM
I just remembered this man, who I once befriended on Facebook
