As my goals become clearer and I accept myself fully and trust my exodus from "Hollywood" completely (knowing I will still make things wherever I am, probably a LOT more than I have done since living here), I am feeling a lot freer in terms of expression, knowing I do not have to censor myself for some invisible judge, present or future.
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One of the first things I want to do is make a video chronicling my awakening/alienation from society/the things I perceived as entertainment and how my awakening was a bit of a 'party pooper'.
Cut to image of ....
When I would casually eat Mexican food without knowing what GMOs were and how they are in every corn tortilla.
(Learning the truth - insert a look of comedic horror)
When I would casually shop at vintage clothing shops without knowing that a lot of vintage clothing and furniture holds paranormal entities from their past owners.
(Learning the truth - insert a look of comedic horror)
When I would blindly get every suggested medical pill or procedure recommended by my psychiatrist or family doctor without knowing how biased their medical training was and how there are financial pay-offs to prescribing certain things...
(Learning the truth - insert a look of comedic horror)
When I would blindly support "free education" without questioning WHO was going to dictate what goes into that curriculum. (a look of comedic horror)
(Learning the truth - insert a look of comedic horror)
When I would romanticize Tesla and Prius cars before I understood EMFs and the greenwashing of sustainability. (a look of comedic horror)
(Learning the truth - insert a look of comedic horror)
Over the past week I have gone through my Instagram and tried to figure out exactly when I "woke up" and it seems around 2014 is when it began; I also spent one afternoon this week erasing any controversial hashtags from my IG because I know my account has been shadowbanned. I managed to erase everything potentially "alienating" as I know October 1st, Facebook and Instagram are changing its terms of service and will erase anyone's accounts they deem "offensive" which is their way to control the political and medical narrative, but it is TOO LATE.
I also have been taking a lot of incredible courses through a website I LOVE called HolisticFashionista.com and I absolutely loved this course, which helped so much.
Fear is absolutely an addictive drug and even when you are 'rightfully' fearful, you are still using your energy in a self-destructive way. Thanks to this incredible course, I learned a lot of ways to protect my energy!
I just logged into Youtube and I see people are leaving comments for a video I made in 2012 (which feels like much 'simpler times') haha
When I see a few comments people leave that I am "crazy" I now feel neutral because I have healed the shadow/misbelief in myself that I was crazy. I also think of people who leave comments as someone who has a blocked root chakra and they are looking to be fed with my energy; but I no longer have to give it to them. I get to choose what I respond to!
In other news....
In 2006 when I had just graduated, I applied on Craigslist to host a web series and this was an out-take which was completely improvised with my mom and the directors were like UMMMM WHAT?. It makes no sense but it was so insane to have real production value on something so stupid. I love it!
My goal now is to film interviews with holistic healers/interesting people with this level of production value on actually useful and interesting things.
I might get 2 really nice iPhones/tripods so I can bring them and film interviews myself and cut between each camera. I am so excited. I have been stocking up on survival products like water sterilizers/canned chili/etc and also technical products - I believe November that there will be some kind of national "emergency" in big cities as a result of the election, and I will be long gone in my car, possibly with Goblin, possibly with George....
I am ready to be a grown up now and take care of myself! I finally have the strength and know it is SAFE TO BE POWERFUL AND HEALTHY AND BRAVE!
I also had a huge realization that I have avoided being a "grownup" who is "healthy" because I did not thnk I would still be loved by my mom since I have found the most love being sick and weak. I helped clear this misbelief this week and I feel so much freer than I ever have.
Thanks for reading! We are all in this together
