Thank you for your open mind in reading my last post, and all my posts. I know sometimes it can be uncomfortable to hear unusual points of view so I thank you for being brave!
I have spent literally 20 years trying to figure out the truth; as if it is my job; and I like to see all sides of a situation before making a conclusion. I have looked at all sides as best as I can, and what I share is the conclusions I have made with a lot of thoughtful inquiry, based on science, facts, and my own intuition (even though I now value intuition/life experience over 'science', because science can be completely biased depending on who is funding it, which I have discussed in the past - and experienced in my own life...)
As I have hopefully stated, this entire blog is an exercise for me in honesty, expression, and channelling my ideas into one space for now in preparation to write a helpful book/podcast/products/speaking events (health+ revolution-focused standup comedy) for human beings - instead of focusing my creativity towards social media (which I began using again 3 months ago, but feel repulsed by, knowing these companies censor anyone with 'alternative' views) and also which has the element of "likes" which I find extremely toxic as it implies that the more likes you get, the better the quality, when that is usually NOT CONNECTED AT ALL.
I trust that whoever is meant to find this blog will; and if it offends them, just like any other content, they can see my words as (hopefully) compassionately as someone who is trying to make sense of the world but has perhaps come to different conclusions...
Both George and my friend Matt from HYPERNORMAL podcast both sent me an episode of the Joe Rogan Podcast with guest, comedian Tim Dillon, and I am an hour into it (it is over 2 hours, wow), I really do love that episode so far...
Whether anyone even reads this blog or comes away from it hating me, I have to remember the fact that if you want to do comedy, you have to risk offending others. If you want to speak the truth, you have to risk offending others. And most importantly, people will not die if you offend them and you won't either.
Though I can tell from your letters that you are appreciating this blog, and that means a lot to me.
Something on this topic of 'people pleasing; is a comedian named Bill Burr who is very popular here and is like a modern George Carlin. (but much angrier, Irish, and bald)
My friend George loves Bill Burr so much (he lives in our neighborhood here in LA) and George told me that this week, Bill Burr hosted Saturday Night Live and got #cancelled for making jokes about cancel culture.
I watched Bill Burr's routine and I found it to be risky but also brave. It was insensitive but that is the nature of comedy. Saying the things that most people won't say!
The beautiful thing is, even if Bill Burr gets cancelled, NOBODY CARES ABOUT SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE or mainstream television in general.
It is the brave truth tellers like Joe Rogan and Bill Burr who are making millions of dollars a month by sharing the truth.
Nobody except for a handful of social justice warriors sprinkled throughout New York and LA (who I probably met while living in both of these places haha) cares about SNL or political correctness.
Did you ever watch my SNL audition from 2017 right when I moved here/3 months before I ended working with my manager to focus on my inward journey? This video is on my Youtube, where I am making fun of social justice warriors !
(PS I did not get a 'call back' haha)
Even in 2017, before I did any of this inner healing work the way I have done since then, I knew that political correctness is the death of authenticity, expression, humor, and progress!
I am truly so inspired by the success of George Carlin, Joe Rogan, and Bill Burr - and I see why I have to navigate my sensitivity so I can share insensitive things that feel important.
When I think about it, I may have mentioned this, but my dad named me after George Carlin and though I was never that big of a fan of his (and still don't quite understand why my name was spelled c-a-r-l-e-n instead of c-a-r-l-i-n, I still do want to carry on the feeling of bravery and truth, no matter where I live or what artistic medium I express myself through)
The amazing thing about creativity is that if you try to stifle parts of it, you will not receive much of it.
Creativity is a gift from our Creator (however you define that) and when you reject parts of it (for fear of hurting others feelings), the Creator begins to share divine ideas less with you, since they know it overwhelms you.
It is like emotions; if you stifle anger and sadness, you will not have as much of a container to experience pleasure.
If you welcome being a channel of Divine Ideas (even if they might make others uncomfortable) you are in the best position to have incredible thoughts and ideas and inventions you never dreamed of!
It is OK to be disliked while sharing the truth. ESPECIALLY NOW. As long as you realize that everyone has Free Will and they get to decide how to live their own lives; and that the popularity of your ideas has nothing to do with the value or worthiness of them.
If
Jesus and the Devil both had Instagram, I am sure the Devil would have a
lot more Likes and Followers, (and probably use really fun filters and
fire-crowns) which is to say that # OF FOLLOWERS/LIKES DOES NOT EQUAL
QUALITY!!!!
However for now, as I build my boundary and sensitivity muscles, this is why I am expressing myself here at this time, not having concern for
nasty comments or censorship of my post like I might face on Instagram
or Facebook;
I trust that even when others disagre with me (or you, should you ever be in that situation in your own life), know we pretty much all want the same basic things .... safety, love, money, health.... We just all have been influenced during our lives to see the road to these things very differently...
There is a concept in psychology called 'confirmation bias' where humans tend to seek out information that validates their worldview - and shuns those who don't agree... I think this is happening on a huge scale right now, especially in America; especially amplified and fed by the algorithms of social media (where you see only what you 'like'), and this is further amplified and encouraged by the general divisive energy in this country right now (which is 80% social media/media generated - as most people in real life are actually a lot more easy-going/open than they are once they get behind their computers, as you can see from your own life, most likely)
Something on this topic which I find interesting (which I have discussed before) is the way that blue light from our cellphones/laptops/computers/televisions can potentially alter our brains and decrease Oxygen in all of our cells (also known as Hypoxia) , which is also amplified by the way that humans hold our breath (which I mentioned in the beginning of this Dopamine Detox)
A doctor named Dr Jack Kruse, who I have referenced in the past discusses this a lot in detail.
When people do not have adequate Oxygen to their brain, which is quite possible with lots of screen time and the sedentary lifestyle which screentime often is equated with, it is very plausible that humans who engage with technology regularly would become more combative/overwhelmed since those are some of the outcomes of Oxygen deprivation;
....so in a way, it all makes sense that people are extremely mean/reptilian thinking (combative/simplistic/lustful/into shallow shiny colors over depth) when they respond from their computers/phones ....
In other news, I am so blown away about reading I am a High Sensation Seeking HSP. I figured out the main doctor who focuses on this is a man named Tracy Cooper. You might find his work interesting if you also are sensitive but get bored/ADD easily...
This goes back to my theories of Dopamine as it relates to the addictive nature of humans and why rich people who may have 'everything' are never happy (since they have mineral deficiencies/unhealed trauma etc)
Everything I am uncovering comes back to Dopamine, and I really feel like I am unearthing something HUGE, as I am forced to heal myself!!!!
Speaking of healing myself, "the boundary train continues" as I learn to speak up for myself and risk disapponting others...
Here are a few ways I have politely expressed my boundaries which I am proud about...
1. A few months ago, a British writer/actor from my spiritual psychology school began texting me quotes of his poetry or sending videos of him sharing it; and though I had no problem with his poetry, - perhaps you would agree as a sensitive person, I do not want to get ANYONE's poetry texted to me everyday unless I am asking for this!
I also have never been much into poetry though I "get" why people like it; just like I am not a cat person but I "get" why people like cats! Haha
I had to text him a few months ago and tell him politely that I am trying to be off my phone as much as possible (which was true around April; and the beginning of my boundary setting exercises) and gratefully, he stopped sending it and seemed to understand that i meant no hard feelings ..... until this week when ALL OF A SUDDEN, he mysteriously began texting me his poetry again and I was like, WHY UNIVERSE, WHY?
Obviously it is not a serious issue to receive poetry on your phone; I can think of a lot of way worse things to be concerned with (haha) but it is more the fact that I asked to be removed that made for this to feel like a crossing of boundaries; which is the exact piece of the puzzle I am working on right now.
I know I am working on boundaries now in small ways in my life in order to be the full warrior that I was born to be. A warrior who is kind and understanding; but also won't play small or spend my energy pleasing others at the expense of my comfort.
CAN I GET AN AMEN? or even an A (wo)MAN? or a A (non-binary)MAN?
As I mentioned, I learned this is the week of passing Tests according to Human Design, so I am treating everything I experience now, especially, as a test (and especially a test in expressing my boundaries); because I know that in order to express myself more fully, I need to do it in a sustainable way.
Anyway, I sent this poet a reply 3 days ago, right when the poetry began again, asking for him to stop and again, he was completely understanding. He is a very talented person ; I just don't want my phone to be a receptacle for someone's art; that is what Facebook and Instagram are for; and even there, I barely want to look at anything.
Another boundary win....! Done politely and with understanding (on both my and his end!)
Here is a poem I am just making up now
Boun-da-ries
Can't-you-see?
They're-also-for-you
Not-me.
Boun-dar-ies
Not-a-wall
A-way-for-us to both stand tall
Bou-da-ries - pave your way
Trust that they will be okay.
Boun-da-ries
Those who can't.
Send them off to have their rant.
THE END
WANT TO RECEIVE THIS SAE POEM LITERALLY EVERYDAY IN YOUR PHONE MAILBOX TEXT 1-11 TO 233190831901820 (just kidding)
Next up.
2. A filmmaker I knew in NY who is interested in similar things as me (aka questioning everything)... but is someone I find to be a bit competitive with me, in an unexplainable way, like "THAT'S GREAT CARLEN. WHEN I HAD MY SPIRITUAL AWAKENING A YEAR BEFORE YOU" kind of vibe - though I am sure it is all in my head, haha) asked me if I wanted to start an off-grid community with her and a few of her friends and though I genuinely like her and realize she is not actively trying to be competitive with me (doubtfully), I wrote back that I don't want to start a community with her: that I would want to start my own thing or live on a pre-existing thing like The Farm in Tennessee
I hope she isn't offended as she is a sensitive kind person - I felt such anxiety telling her I don't want to start a community with her because she seems very serious about buying expensive property and my dad would say something to the effect of, "DON'T ALIENATE ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP YOU"
This mindset , though well-meaning, was extremely toxic for me as it is how I attracted lots of extremely rich but boundary-less friends into my life in NYC who did not have schedules during the week and wanted to hang out anytime they were remotely near my house in Brooklyn -- and this was a time I did not feel comfortable telling them my true feelings or needs because I DIDN'T WANT TO ALIENATE ANYONE, and feigned being sick or "busy" without ever addressing my needs with them!
This mentality is dishonest and really not fair for ANYONE. - plus, as I learned during my brief time attempting to raise money for my film Loners Together when I was too shy to attempt Kickstarter or GoFundMe, (before I happily realized that the film company who distributed The Color Wheel offered to fund it - I WONDER IF THAT OFFER IS STILL ON THE TABLE, HAHA) I learned that most of the richest people I have met in NY (who my dad would think of as "assets") are the least likely to be generous/invest in other's films/etc.... iN OTHER WORDS, THE TIME YOU SPEND BEING FAKE WITH PEOPLE, YOU COULD HAVE PROBABLY MADE MORE MONEY INVESTING IN YOUR OWN WORK RATHER THAN NETWORKING WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T ACTUALLY CONNECT WITH!!!
To be clear, this tirade of mine has nothing to do with this woman asking me to start a community as she is an extremely bright talented and lovable human, but what I am getting at is that I can't think of anything worse than living in a remote location with people who I have a gut feeling that I on't want to live with.
This is nothing personal against her; but my instinct says I want to do my own thing or start my own community of extremely sensitive people, and people with real farming skills and medical /nutritional skills.
I CANNOT LIE TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN - FOR MY OWN HEALTH.
It is interesting how America makes fun of trailer parks as if they are for "white trash" but I think it would be amazing to start a very high-end trailer park of sensitive artists and writers and gardeners and we can all live and we can all have one meal a day together of delicious organic food and have a yoga studio and a library and a garden. I genuinely would start this. And perhaps I will do this. I even wrote about this on my instagram in 2016 but have since deleted it - but I remember it got more "likes" than almost any other post - perhaps I will work on this again, and perhaps I can get the film company to invest in this idea for a documentary... though most documentaries about intentional communities (like the Osho one or the VICE series) try to paint utopia as impossible - but that's probably because drama draws more viewers that peaceful simplicity...
Whatever the case is, I genuinely feel excited!
What are you excited about making in this new era of self-sufficiency and in(ter)dependence?
WE CAN DO IT!
