It's funny that I have not checked the news and I have no idea who the "new" president is but in my immediate life, I feel wonderful either way.
I just went outside and drank delicious coffee with pumpkin spice (hello cozy autumnal white girl cliche hahaha) and wrote in my journal and pet Goblin while he munched on dandelion leaves and we both took in the sun and felt the cool breath of Earth's breeze on our faces...
It just shows that in almost every situation we deem as "bad" or "good", (no money, wrong president, wrong ____), it is truly UP TO US what we allow to affect us.
We can allow external things to influence the quality of our life
if we choose
and decide that it affects us.
We get to choose what level of discomfort we allow ourselves to feel based on external situations..
"Now my life is horrible because _[external situation]____"
"Now my life is great because _ [external situation]_____"
For the past few years, after I began to truly wake up and question everything I had learned about reality/health/government/etc, I began to look for the true nature of things and the true history of things; but in a way, this search for the truth also gives as much power to external things as my previous 'sleeping' state did;
Instead of choosing to feel bad that Earth was being desecrated by selfish but dumb humans, I began to feel that the Earth was intentionally being desecrated by selfish but evil-genius humans (or even aliens who puppeteered humans, which was an answer I received in channelling, which I will finally share soon now that I truly don't care if people think I am crazy or not) who wanted to create intentional poverty,disease,miseducation etc....
Either way, with my "normal scary beliefs" or "alternative scary beliefs",I was still viewing the Earth as a "hard place" but now I was viewing the perpetrators differently.
What if someone told me that everything I clung to as ideologies now were false?
What if someone told me Wikileaks was false and that our leaders were "truly trying their best"
What if someone told me that everything on this planet such as war and disease was truly a planetary accident just like spilling a glass of lemonade?
What if someone told me that I was safe? What if someone told me that God existed and was looking out for me and that everything happening to me was for me to grow, instead of happening to me, as chaotic coincidence?
What if we are all living in a holographic simulation like the Matrix to see who is supposed to ascend, based on their moral actions? What if everything is completely perfect and we are safe at all times and always free to do whatever we want????
Would I begin to enjoy life completely if I felt like we had a virtuous and noble government?
What if someone told me "The Earth is saved", would I truly feel free and at peace?
The fact that any external scenario should give me an immediate sense of peace or terror is something I still find very fascinating;
(...which can be attested to in my ignorance this morning over who is president.)
In my actual dream, Trump won - but when I woke up, everyone here in my building complex seems in a cheerful mood, and I know they are all Biden fans, so I am assuming Biden may have won? But that's the fascinating thing - I HAVE NO IDEA - AND I AM OK!
And that is truly the gift of this experience....
For literally 2 1/2 years, I have been plagued with anxiety over "where to move" and "how to avoid a corrupt draconian government that mandates untested vaxxines and other toxic substances under the guise of 'health'"
but
in a way, in my quest for 'true freedom'
I have continued to have been a psychological prisoner to the external world.
It reminds me of something I may have brought up before:
For over 5 years in New York, I could not afford to have any form of health insurance and when I told that to my close friend (whose parents are psychiatrists), he said "Wow, you must be so anxious all the time" and I found it funny because it was true that I was anxious all the time, but not for the reason that I didn't have health insurance.
In fact, I rarely thought about the fact that I didn't have health insurance .... but the takeaway from that is, we all have "selective worries" ....
We are all walking around worrying about something, when we could easily be worrying about other things we may not even be thinking about.
Are we 'safer' worrying about one thing (immediate things like cleaning/paying bills) or another thing (are we living up to our potentials?) or other things ('should I have health insurance'?) or other things (is this planet run by sociopaths who intentionally want depopulation?)
The thing is, you can worry about one or all or NONE of these things and in a way, you are equally safe or equally unsafe, regardless of your list of worries.....
The goal now is to welcome all of your worries and sit with them and tell them they are valid and ask them what they need... All of them usually want to have a sense of safety, security, and love.... which they believe will come from you as the human quelling these anxieties by dealing with external things....
Give all these anxieties a voice and see what they need from you...
The sooner you do that, the sooner you can actually address them one by one.... and the sooner they will finally dissolve so you can begin to take actions without being overcome by anxiety!
I now realize how much nutrition/physical toxicity can lead to obsessive anxiety, and I do believe that everyone needs to address this in order to fully heal from anxiety - (cutting out processed foods, wheat, non-raw dairy, adding in protein and seeing if you feel any better)
So many people are running around with toxicity-induced anxiety and thinking that if they just make more money or deal with ____, the anxiety will go away... and this is not true.
I actually made a video on this topic as it relates to parasites.
(PS the only time I feel inspired to make videos are when I am outside and in nature)
Now back to the immediate point of this post, in the case of "I am worried who the president is", you can ask yourself
"Why? What difference does it make in your life?"
and REALLY use your cognitive side of the brain to list out all of the things' and use your emotional/limbic system part of the brain (which I am learning about NOW!)
to yell or cry or groan or make the sound of discomfort you are feeling -
You can combine these 2 parts of the brain and finally listen to your fears... and list out WHAT YOU NEED TO DO to make things better.
However, no matter what 'list you make' regarding 'what action you need to take' to make things better, the thing is, you must remember that CONTROL is the master addiction.
Every since I am age 7, I have been concerned with pollution and environmental devastation and animal abuse and human abuse, and the thing is, finally, 30 years later, I truly know that I cannot control anything else besides me.
I cannot save the world. In fact, it actually is not my responsibility to save the world. If this planet is meant to decompose, then I have to surrender to that - while also trying my best to life a life I am proud of.
I can only live by example, and try to offer suggestions to friends and family and my community and try to change government policies , but I cannot CONTROL the outcome.
I do believe in the power of mass meditation, which is something I will be starting soon, and calling it AGENDA (12)21 so everyone meditates at 12:21 with me during their lunch break at 12:21 but at the same time, I am NOT responsible for anything outside of my own care, (and my rabbits and any children I decide to have in the future) - I cannot control the outcome of anything and I surrender even to the outcome of my rabbit, and my children, and myself!
I truly surrender, and in this surrender, I am finally energized and free enough to enjoy my life and be my optimal self!
Worry gives us the illusion that we can control the outcome to anything.
Worry is like mentally preparing for the worst case scenario to control how we actually experience it; and it is equally giving a false sense of control to avoid whatever it is we fear
Worrying does not actually control the outcome to things...
It is actually LOVING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE FEAR WHILE STILL TAKING ACTION that is the closest thing to having any sort of control....
When we worry, it is the equivalent of when you are bowling and your bowling ball is headed towards the sidelines of the bowling lane, so you begin to contort your body and tense up and twist yourself in the direction you hope the ball to go.
(this came to me in a channelling experience yesterday and I LOVE THIS ANALOGY)
Your discomfort does not change the direction of the bowling ball, despite the false sense of control you may have.
This false sense of control you may feel is less productive than surrender and deep breaths.
Anytime you are feeling like you want to know the answer to something, remember that actually knowing it only gives you the illusion of peace because you decide it is the 'right' outcome, but in reality, YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHETHER YOU ARE SAFE OR NOT.
And in this moment, once you listen to your fears and tell them you are here with them, and tell them that no matter what happens 'out there', you are never going to abandon yourself even if everyone else does, even if there is a barren Armageddon, you are finally safe, and finally free!
IN THIS MOMENT I AM FREE.
AND IN THIS ONE TOO
AND IN THIS ONE
AND SO ARE YOU, IF YOU CHOOSE TO BE.
Thank you God and inner-voice for being so loud (due to my own healing and surrender) that I finally hear the timeless truths that are constant, unlike any sort of external news!
***
For all of my teenage years and 20's, I wanted to be famous as a way to have a sense of immortality. I think a lot of people do this without even being aware of it; and it was only in 2015, when I was first affected by the healing power of cannabis (and first attempted to wean off of Prozac) that I was finally given the message by the plant (and my inner voice, who was finally emerging for the first time, like a small sprout from the soil) that I was so obsessed with preserving my skin (not ever 'aging') and obsessed with fame as a way to seek immortality; and that deep down that came from my fear of the unknown of death. And THAT was the root of everything.
It showed me that death was not anything to fear; especially if it got in the way of truly following my heart, and it was this beautiful realization that was the 'party pooper' to my predicted timeline of film-related fame and 'importance' (illusion of control over death)
When I came out of my cannabis-induced truth session, I no longer had any desire to make my movie LONERS TOGETHER , since the goal of that movie was to seek fame (and ignore the actual experience of filmmaking - which I hated at the time, especially because I did not know how to put up loving boundaries with male performers/directors who overstepped their professional boundaries with me); NOT TO MENTION, the topic of the movie was 'a girl who never wants to age' (completely based on me, written by me and starring me and my mom)......
And it's funny because again, cannabis was the 'party pooper' in 2017, when it told me that I was only attempting to make my television show CARLEN SAVES THE WORLD because I wanted to control reality but that I needed to LOVE THE WORLD instead of save the world....
Again, cannabis totally derailed my external plans and ideas of success....but I look back and feel so thankful for this!!!!
I would have been so sick if I attempted to make that show with all the toxicity I had and misbeliefs - I wouldn't have been equipped to really do that for more than one season (at most) and would have likely turned to pharmaceuticals out of hopelessness to numb my crippling anxiety/fear of offending others. LITERALLY THANK GOD FOR THE 'PARTY POOPER' OF TRUTH!
This is the thing - In some ways it feels like on the 'outside' the last few years, it may look like my life has been 'derailed' since I have decided not to make any more movies or things (THOUGH I KNOW I WILL - IN A VERY DIFFERENT WAY THAN BEFORE),
I am so glad that I got to realize WHY I was truly doing it (and the underlying fears I had of death), and finally heal and get back on a new train of thought and action that is heart-based and full of surrender.
Nothing external will ever give us permanent joy or happiness...unless we tell ourselves it will... and even then, that is a self-imposed choice and illusion.
GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER OR PHONE, WALK AWAY FROM THE FALSE SCREEN OF ILLUSION
AND GO DANCE BECAUSE THIS REALIZATION IS TRUE FOR YOU TOO!
