If you read my blog right when I publish it, I usually change parts of it hours later when I remember different things I want to add, or take things away. Just a headsup. I don't think about what I am writing as I press Publish because that is the exercise of this blog, to keep writing without self-censorship, like a speeding car on a highway with no traffic.
I did add a few things since I posted my last blog entry so you can check it out if you happened to read it right when I published it, as a few things changed :)
I hope it didn't come across as insensitive but these are thoughts that are on my mind, and I really have to do express myself here and offer ideas which feel important to me, even if they are uncomfortable to share/not politically correct.
For whatever reason*, (I think I know what it was*)I woke up with a lot of anxiety today and sometimes that would manifest into OCD where I harness that anxiety into compulsive behaviors like unconsciously counting my steps as I walked (this was something I did in childhood after my almost drowning accidents in Costa Rica, which I wrote about in the beginning of this blog - I might have erased them by now, I am not sure)
This morning I woke up with the same anxiety and began counting my steps so I got back in bed and I asked the anxiety what it wanted - it had no voice or opinion but it just sat there on my chest so I told it I was here with it and then I went back to bed for 2 hours 40 minutes (I first woke up at 7:35 naturally, which is my dream time to wake up and which never happens)
I got up at 10:11 after a strange dream of an elderly woman owning an antique jewelry store who seemed very crabby telling me I smelled like farts and I was stinking up her store (HAHA), so I returned all the jewelry I was about to get. It was a perfectly weird mini-dream and somehow was perfectly appropriate for the ball of anxious energy I felt.
I got up and I just danced to a few songs and the energy completely left. I honestly realize that when I do not dance or move my body it is like I begin holding onto anxious energy. I am sure that many people are like this - which is why exercise is so important - but what I realize is that most people are too tired and busy to exercise - and most importantly, exercise is boring.
I prefer dancing or just moving my body however I want to, even if it is shaking my legs one-by-one over and over. I think if more people equated exercise with moving their bodies however they wanted instead of doing monotonous movements connected to gym equipment, they might enjoy their bodies and exercise more.
Do you ever do this?
I chose to listen to some fun rap songs like Fantastic Voyage by Coolio (remember that song?) and I began thinking about the fact that rap music is usually emanating a feeling of abundance: that money is never an issue (cue Jay Z + Jermaine Dupri: Money Aint A Thang)
What is so amazing is that most other genres of music don't have such a positive frequency when it comes to money (cue: the maudlin sounds of my favorite singer Elliott Smith) and I realize that making music focused on 'making easy money' is like a version of the Law of Attraction in song-form for the musician.
The more the musician raps about having money, the more they are likely to sell records and actually HAVE money.
Considering the role of environment (which is further discussed in Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill) I bet that many rappers make music about easy money as a psychological coping tactic to help them exit poverty. If they can live in the mindset that they are rich/wealth is on the way, they will be more likely to achieve it and escape into the music environment over their physical environment.
The problem is that no rap song talks about making money in a positive way like farming - it is often drug dealing, which goes to another concept I have been thinking about.
Everybody is a drug addict - it is just whether it is legal or not. A drug can be exercise (endorphins) or Meth - and both are people looking for the same feeling!
A lot of rap songs mention Codeine/Xanax/"Sizzurp"/purple drank and all of these are meant to have a calming relaxing effect - and are all pharmaceutical/illegal to buy without a prescription.
The natural version of these is Kava Kava, Melatonin, Indica Cannabis, among other natural herbs - but there are likely no drug dealers offering Kava Kava to people in alley ways, are there?
People take whatever is available to them and everyone is looking to feel good.
This is why it seems illogical to end the war on drugs without dealing with finding natural solutions to peoples addictions and helping raise people out of poverty. If people are living in poverty and eating a diet which keeps them depressed, of course they will likely turn to Opioids or other stimulants to help them escape.
Considering Glyphosate is in most foods (unless you buy organic) most people's guts are ruined and the gut controls mood and immune system. Of course most people are sick and depressed and of course most people will turn to other drugs to try to feel better.
Some will turn to social media addiction or wine or MineCraft or other 'legal' escapisms.
Basically everyone is trying to cope - it is just the path to least resistance is to eat toxic food and access toxic drugs.
I would love if there were rap songs about working hard and becoming a farmer or great parent and investing in black-owned businesses and there were supplements promoted by rappers that made you feel amazing, like B12.
I actually heard Nas rap about B12 in one of his songs.
Anyway that's all for now.
*I realized why I woke up anxious and it is because my friend and I are doing a photoshoot for our websites (which is something I have not done since like 2017 as I mentioned I avoided cameras/doing anything visual for the last 3 years pretty much) and also because I am ready to commit to ATOMIC HABITS (getting things done now) and there is a part of me that is afraid to be a dependable committed person who sticks to habits!
(I highly recommend the Atomic Habits book I posted in my last post!)
But I am finally ready to try it out, finally!
(And dance whenever I get nervous! Even in a meeting, I will excuse myself to the bathroom to listen to Jump Around by House of Pain, haha)
DO I SOUND LIKE AN OLD WHITE MAN IN A SUIT?
You can see my list of songs I have amassed over this pandemic here
WARNING IT IS NOT "COOL" OR OBSCURE; IT IS EVERYTHING I LOVE
