This is just one of the many unique 'out of the box' beautiful suggestions offered in the wonderful course I am taking right now called Emp.athology by L.ola Pick.ett .
It is literally the most helpful thing I have ever done. (besides plant medicine, and ever other thing I have done which felt like the most helpful thing at the time - do you know what I mean? Everything is happening in Divine Order)
I cannot believe I am just learning all of this stuff now. This is the stuff I WISHED I learned as a child, or in college as a Psychology Major but didn't.
It is all about how to feel calm as you navigate life and get things done.
It explains the way our nervous system tries to protect us and stops us from following through on our goals and ambitions.
Everything I do is starting to make so much sense to me, more than ever before.
All of the years I spent hiding in my house or 'not pressing send' on the emails or phone calls I knew were important.
All the years I spent sleeping until 2pm, feeling like a failure or broken and just 'not cut out for this world'
It wasn't laziness, it was self-protection.
I am learning about the four F's (fight, flight, freeze and fawn - aka - people pleasing) and how our bodies can get stuck in these states, unknowingly, to our detriment....
I am learning about the vagus nerve and the fact that if we are stressed (which is called being in 'sympathetic nervous system', our bodies do not have the energy to heal (which only happens in our parasympathetic nervous system state).
I talked a little bit about the parasympathetic nervous system VS sympathetic nervous system in the shortlived podcast experiment I did with my friend Matt, on my experience with breathwork (which is one of the ways to remove trapped trauma from the body)
I feel like what I knew only 10 months ago is so small compared to what I know now. Perhaps life will always feel that way - that we feel like we 'figured it out' in the moment and then look back and say 'oh NOW I figured it out" and it just becomes like a spiral of being constantly curious and humble.
Something I find fascinating and disturbing is the trend of 'normalizing' mental illness and medications but not giving people any solutions except pharmaceuticals - as if mental illness is out of our control and we are just random victims to genetic roulette.
I am repulsed by this way of thinking but I also have compassion for people buying into this narrative as it is the only 'prescribed' way of seeing things in our society, in a mainstream capacity.
Women buy "it's Wine-o-clock' wine glasses on Etsy as if numbing yourself with alcohol is all a joke and people accept the lifestyle of taking 5+ pills a day their entire lives, as if it is 'normal' to be sick al the time.
This is NOT TRUE.
We just weren't given the tools to feel better or any kind of roadmap, except that prescribed by the pharmaceutical-funded educational and media systems.
I have literally made my health my full-time job and I am a privileged anomaly to be able to do this.
I am so glad I signed up for this course I am taking because it literally feels like the missing link to going from 'idea' to 'making things'
It is a slippery slope to be a sensitive person because you want to have the sensitivity that fuels your art but you don't want to be so sensitive that you cannot cope with life.
All of my most favorite musicians have killed themselves, which shows that the same sensitivity that fuels someone to make music can also be too much to handle.
(ie. some of my favorite dead musicians are Nick Drake, Kurt Cobain, Elliott Smith who really have made the most beautiful music with the most beautiful chord changes)
I highly encourage you to drive in a car or walk through nature while listening to River Man by Nick Drake. It is the strongest feeling!
I drove along a cliff this past week, through a cascade of trees on either side, overlooking all of Los Angeles while listening to this song with the windows open , and I felt like I could have died of joy, especially starting at 02:13!!! DO IT!
I really wish I could have helped Elliott Smith and Nick Drake and Kurt Cobain to learn how to harness their emotions for good, instead of self-harm, but I didn't know what I know until now - and as I have learned, I cannot save anyone - I can only lead by example - and let my life be my calling card instead of making any pleas or demands for anyone else to change...
I wish I could have been friends with David Bowie, who also seemed like a very sensitive person (and somehow avoided suicide, which I am grateful for!) and who once visited me while I was taking plant medicine and told me that we are both from another planet. It's funny because I never even liked David Bowie's music that much (no offense to him, haha) until that moment when he contacted me (and I wasn't even listening to it - but he told me to put on Star Man and it really felt so true, and he told me that aliens are waiting to contact humanity - but it would be too much for them - so aliens will just communicate with me, and him, and a few other people on this planet, with the help of plant medicine - and we can just be perceived as "crazy" until humanity catches up! This feels about true to me, honestly!)
PS I STILL WONDER IF COURTNEY KILLED KURT!?!? Who knows! I honestly think she had something to do with it by looking into her eyes. (I will always love her song Doll Parts, though!)
The point i meant to make is that I understand why many famous artists turn to drugs and alcohol.
It is just so much to feel so deeply, and then, when you have any modicum of 'success', the conflicts that come when you have people idolize and follow you around (when you are famous)
This is a whole next level of conflict because then you have to deal with boundary issues/people-pleasing issues which are also hard for sensitive people, on top of feelings things so deeply that compelled you to make art in the first place!
I truly feel like I was saved from being famous. I would have shriveled from any criticism or stalkers. I wouldn't have known how to have boundaries or say 'no' with a feeling of self worth.
I really feel like God saved me from the notion of success I had (to be famous on a TV show)
When I look at the way most comedians are literally miserable human beings (including my dad) - especially female comedians, I really honestly feel so much gratitude that I was saved from my own Ego-idea of success, and forced to heal instead of distract myself over and over and over again and blame everyone else for my problems.
I could be a vaccine-pedalling "I hate men" "trust science (except the scientists who disagree with The Mainstream Science") "The world is doomed" "Conspiracy theorists/ Trumpers are stupid" "having a child is selfish and bad for the planet" "I am a hot mess slutt" archtype who is unknowingly out of their own bodies and taking lots of medication as "that's just the way it is" -- who is active on Twitter/amplified currently in our culture,-- which is the ONLY seeming-narrative pummelled over and over on television by the 'talking heads' of entertainment.
I was saved for something else. I don't quite know what it is and that's okay.
Today my friend and I were sitting outside and questioning if evolution is even accurate as our history's correct narrative.
We are both college educated adults and yet we were openly discussing that evolution actually doesn't make ANY sense anymore!
We didn't dismiss it all together but we came to the conclusion that we have only been taught evolution because it is yet another way to dismiss any concept of a Divine Creator and just flatten everything into 'science' and make us feel all alone.
Sure, it is possible - but it is also NOT to be blindly accepted as 'the only way' for there to be biodiversity on this planet.
If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys? Why did some of us stay monkeys and some evolve if we were geographically in the same place of 'pangea' (before the continents divided - if that is even true)?
It would make sense that life on Earth in the same geographical location would evolve in conformity (all look the same) instead of diversity (to me)
It would make no sense that there would be millions of different species in a rainforest, all because of 'evolution' if they all experienced equal temperature/biological threat.
The level of diversity does not seem logical to me anymore.
This sea slug aka a "sea bunny" makes me believe there is a God and He/She has a very amazing sense of humor.
Do I believe evolution is 'wrong'?
No, but I don't blindly accept it anymore just like I don't blindly accept anything as true except what I know from personal experience.
This does not mean I would teach 'creationism' in schools or whatnot, but I would offer BOTH theories of humanity's existence as an invitation for the student to make up their own decision - which to me, should be the point of all education in the first place (assuming they do no harm to themselves or anyone else, with the decisions they make).
This is honestly how I feel.
How liberating it is to not have to have all the answers and not feel like I need to prove my intelligence or 'all-knowing' anymore - or blindly trust external authority.
It just doesn't
make sense logically, just the same way finding a perfectly intact
passport after a plane and building explosion makes no sense either. (if
you know what I mean, you know what I mean, haha)
To me, questioning things (especially my own belief systems) is a sign of intelligence instead of 'dangerous'
It is through questioning that we.....evolve.
Anyway, what I am learning in this course feels so important for everyone to know, not just sensitive artists like myself (though I assume if you are still reading this far, you are probably a sensitive person as well and I really want you to know that I appreciate you!)
I just cried thinking about the fact that I know my dad would have benefitted from this course, as it really explains why he and me and my mom all have hidden from the world and been hermits and escaped into drinking (for my dad) or 'stuff' (for my mom) and numbing myself.
Deep down, I know my dad is digesting the information I am learning in the astral realm.
Hallelujah!
One helpful thing so far I can share from this course is the concept of accessing the vagus nerve through this one simple move
