Did you listen to the song I posted yesterday by Carly Simon? I love it so much and it's funny because (perhaps I mentioned this in the past?) but in the 80's my mom was somehow asked to be Carly Simon's "stand in" for a music video where she would have a pie thrown in her face (so Carly wouldn't really have to do it) - My mom said no and I am proud of her.... What a funny thing that would be to have a resume though...
If you are somehow following me on Instagram, you will see that I posted a Story about "feeling your feelings" as an 60 second exercise - Did you try it? It is so intense!!!
I was trying to experiment with sharing serious topics in a humorous way - which is what I aim to do (most of the time), so it was fun to try it out (again) - I decided however that Instagram is too much of an energy-waster/creativity zapper so I am only going to do that 1x a week at the most, but it was nice to remember how many lovely people follow me and seem to resonate with my perspective. The irony is that none of them are people from my past but new internet friends who I have never met. I see about 70 people from my past consistently look at my stories but literally none of them ever comment; which is just so fascinating to wonder what they think of me ... but then remember that it really doesn't matter and they have not reached out to me or paid my bills or done anything where I need to monitor myself because of their presence, but I am almost perplexed why they waste their time looking at my life when we have no current connection anymore; it just feels completely unnatural but hopefully they are deriving some kind of joy from my content, but who cares either way right? It is their life and they can spend it looking at me talking to my rabbit all they want, hahaha.
As I have mentioned, I don't have the same sense of urgency to use Instagram/Facebook as "tools of awakening for others" as I honestly have changed my entire mindset about "waking anyone up"; I honestly feel like people already have their minds made up on whether they want to "get the jab" ..... I trust everyone knows whats best for them even though it has not even been FDA approved and the illness it is made to cure has a 99 percent survival rate...
Though I have very passionate views about health based on my own journey, I realize it is actually too late to open anyone's mind who doesn't want to have their mind open... and on top of that, I don't want to post anything on Instagram that would have me on some kind of "medical watch list" because it just isn't worth it. I use Instagram to "like" the posts of the CDC and the WHO and Biden and Hillary Clinton so I can throw off the algorithm, which is just funny to me.
I honestly don't understand how anyone healthy would get "the jab" after doing any research on it and the fact that there is no liability for the companies that produce the jab and most of these companies have billions of dollars in lawsuits from previous medical "malfunctions" they have offered to the public ; but I know that if I had no health problems my entire life and was STRONG LIKE AN OX my entire life that I would probably not think twice to do it, if it is being presented by doctors as helpful...
If I had never suffered any health issues, I wouldn't be aware of most of the things I have learned, so I GET IT. In a way, comfort breeds ignorance, so I do not judge anyone for getting the jab for a sense of security, it is just all so puzzling to me.
My mom and my friend who I briefly hosted the podcast with both got the jab and I trust they know what is best for them, even if it makes me sad that they might face extreme health challenges in 5-10 years because of it and have no legal recourse. But I need to trust everyone makes the right decision for themselves and their own evolution; as hard as it has been for me to accept this.... I really don't know whats best for anyone else and that's actually a relief.
When I was 12, I had acne (due to dairy/gluten/feather pillow allergies) but of course nobody knew this at the time and I chalked it up to "genetics" and I was given Birth Control pills by my dermatologist as she said it would clear up my skin. I remember going to the pharmacy and getting this exciting little neon aqua colored case for my birth control pills and I felt so excited because in a weird way, I felt like taking birth controls made me "mature" and "sexy" at 12 years old - I remember the birth control pills were so tiny; like the size of rice, and you had to pop them out of this little metal tray each day and it was so satisfying, like popping bubble paper.
It was honestly very exciting to add to my morning routine of eating junky cereal with milk but after a few days, I felt very strange and stopped taking them.... I ended up trying a medicine called Accutane instead which cleared my skin up completely (but had the side effect of suicidal ideation/depression/oops!)
When I look back at this, I am so glad I went off Birth Control Pills after I have since learned how terrible they are for women in so many ways; in a strange way, thank goodness that Prozac and my trauma turned off my sex drive or I would have probably gone on birth control again by the time I became "sexually active" (gross) - does this mean I am "sexually inactive?" Barf. On a completely unrelated note, I honestly can't imagine having sex with the same person my whole life just for fun; it sounds so boring once the chase is over. I know that is probably a sign that I need to heal something but I honestly feel that if I were to be "sexually active", I would want to have a lot of partners over time or have an open relationship. It just seems boring and unproductive to me to have sex with the same person more than 30 times. Perhaps if I were in love with someone I would feel differently and our pheromones would bond us to each other as a evolutionary adaptation so we would care for our offspring consistently, but even in my birth chart it says that I get bored easily and need the freedom to explore in all areas of my life so who knows how things will unfold!
It's weird though - I am only attracted to people maybe 2 times a year (I don't mean just "sexually"; I mean even people I am visually in awe of); it is such a rare occassion where I see someone that makes me want to stare at them. I am NEVER attracted to celebrities and never have been, except Bridget Bardot and Francoise Hardy and now, Lily Rose Depp is probably the only celebrity I like staring at... and Hailey Bieber for some reason. I don't actually want to date any of these women - I just think they are attractive. As for men, I am literally attracted to men from the early 1900s such as Theodore Roosevelt in his early 20's (HA HA HA I WISH I WAS KIDDING) - WHERE CAN I GET A SIGNED POSTER OF HIM TO HANG ON MY WALLS?! HI TEDDY.... ;)
Perhaps I am just being immature and tried to self-sabotage myself from ever having a relationship by having such unrealistic historically illogical crushes - I don't know... But basically, I am definitely not attracted to modern American men at ALL. Their facial structure is just so... I don't know. I can't generalize of course but I just feel like I am in the wrong country/time period/planet.
Being in Bali was the first time I had a consistent sex drive in my life and I was like OH! THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE? - I think it was a combination of the energy vortex of the area coupled with being on an adventure by myself and feeling independent and empowered, which is sexy in itself. I think I also felt a lot safer to be there than America so I felt safe enough to even consider being intimate with other people...
I am so glad I went to Bali, not just for that reason, but because I got to see America from a distance and realize just how absolutely crazy and fearful and materialistic it is there - and how nobody is even happy who have achieved "American success" - I NEEDED that trip to be one of the main catalysts to me abandoning all my television/film/comedy aspirations at the time...
ANYWAY, I know all of this had to happen the way it did; even my lack of magnetic attraction to anyone long-term as I would have probably attracted men who were similar to my father and emotionally distant and I would never have had this time to figure out myself so deeply....
In 2017 when I came back from Bali, I briefly dated a very typical Liberal filmmaker I had met while looking for apartments. But after 3 weeks of dating and a brief trip to Washington state together, I lost attraction to him as he did not believe any of the things I believed in and had completely different views on health. At the time, I did not want to admit to myself that there was a problem and I thought somehow it was just my "low sex drive which came back in America" that made me unatttracted to him, but then one day I met a very nice guy at a bookstore who looked like those caricatures of Nordic Pleiadian aliens (HUBBA HUBBA) and I had a very intense attraction to, and I went up to him and we talked for 5 hours and he admitted that he wrote in his journal that he prayed I would come over and talk to him... Meeting that guy at the bookstore was such a blessing because it made me realize "wait a minute, I guess I CAN be attracted to people in America" - but a few months later, after everything ended with the filmmaker, that guy and I tried dating and realized we had no physical chemistry so we just decided to be friends, which was a very fascinating saga, because the filmmaker guy was so upset and tried to make me move out of the complex because he felt so rejected by me, This was 2 years before I met George and 4 years before I had the past life reading (2 weeks ago) where I learned that I had lived in that complex in a past life in the 1930s/1940s with George and we were lesbian lovers! Ha! Life is so weird.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was that I found a podcast episode which I really resonated with and wanted to share it, from a woman named Laura Matsue and her husband.... It feels like she and I had very similar journeys and realizations/intuitive hits so perhaps you might want to listen to it...
She realized that she had to heal her physical body through diet/exercise first and wean off of antidepressants in order to access her intuition and be able to feel all her feelings... She is also obsessed with Rudolf Steiner who I have mentioned previously..... I was just blown away at how similar she and I seem to think! Perhaps listen if you feel called... The show kind of has a SPOOKY X-FILES musical introduction but I found the conversation to be very thought-provoking and resonant so wanted to share HERE....
Another thing I was thinking about last night was how I believe modern architecture is really unnatural. The fact that everything is a straight line and perfect 90 degree angles is like human's attempt at flattening nature. Nothing in nature has perfectly straight lines and rarely has absolute perfect symmetry - I think that by making architecture filled with completely straight lines, we are setting up humans to feel like nature and they themselves are "imperfect" since they do not have perfectly straight lines... It also sets up people to think in black and white terms. Like one thought is "straight" "right" and another thought is "crooked/messy" "bad".... I also feel like corners are very symbolic of being "trapped" - whereas in a way, you are never trapped in anything - but it feels like that when you see corners...
Isn't there something fascinating about this topic? At least to me there is!
It's interesting that I would be thinking about this because upon a quick glance of the internet, I see that other people build their houses intentionally with no corners such as to welcome in spirits and make it so they don't get "trapped; and also it is just better for heat/cold to build using curves similar to nature.
Now that I am finally feeling less scared of life and more trusting of myself, I am going to drive alone up to the Mojave desert to visit CalEarth and learn to build a cornerless house! If you want to visit or take an online course on building an "Earth Dome", you can HERE!
