This blog has been a catalyst to my growth as this has been the first medium I have used where I am totally honest. I decided to hide this blog for while as a way to really go inward as I felt like I needed to be freer than ever before from other people's viewpoints of me. As a recovering people pleaser, I needed a totally safe space to write everything I wanted.

Since I began this blog, I have moved to other mediums such as audio recordings and now, video recordings. I will catalogue these and upload them as soon as my website is done.

I have been putting off this website for fear of having to make commitments with other people - and fear of getting hurt by others like I did with most of my working relationships in the film industry.

I did not believe in God until I was 32 and my faith has grown stronger, but also in the process, my feelings of normalcy in our strange society - especially Los Angeles - City of (mostly fallen) Angels....

I graduated in a Spiritual Psychology program but I believe that these tools do not do enough to address the very real threat of toxicity (mental, physical and spiritual) - and in some cases, keep people on a treadmill of being a victim.

In some ways, I feel very alienated from most of the New Age ideologies and practices that I began identifying in early on in my Spiritual Awakening.

Our body is our temple and we need it to be clean in order to hear God; otherwise we will outSource our power to psychics/tarot readers/other people....

Considering the trendiness of astrology/tarot, I have begun to feel increasing mistrust of these modalities as I am now wondering if they are pulling people away from God (Surrender) and towards Darkness (Control)

Of course if you have a physical illness you want to go to someone who can heal you; and I understand why when you are going through emotional or spiritual turmoil you want to go to someone who can heal you; but there is just something that has begun to feel fishy about the New Age, and their lack of emphasis on Speaking Out against adversity; and their focus on Dissociating/Stepping Away from Conflict.

I have been out of Beverly Hills for 2 weeks now, living in a different location - and I feel a lot better - and a lot clearer about my priorities.

I never want to live in a mansion where neighbors are scared of each other - I never want to feel inadequate - I never want to feel afraid of speaking my true feelings (on topics which are very important to me) to others for fear of upsetting them.

Anytime I have withheld my truth as a way to keep the peace, all those friendships eventually end anyway - so it is better to learn early on if people can handle conflict or not.

I found this amazing woman named Jackie Woods and tried to look up and see if she has any Youtube videos and I found this, but I think it is actually aNOTHER Jackie Woods, who was equally helpful. (see video at the bottom)

I loved this video. I am actually going to stop all sexual activity including masturbating completely again which is what I did in the beginning of my Dopamine Detox last April for a few weeks. I am going to talk to my friend Davonte on ways to harness my sexual energy upwards through my body. I am intrigued by this experiment.

Unlike the video below, I don't necessarily think masturbation is a "sin" - I think sexual desires are healthy - I just think that I would rather have my sex drive literally drive me to take actions instead of short bursts of Dopamine.

All the religious things we were taught were "backwards" actually feel very true to me now.

Enjoy this very passionate video on a variety of timeless topics.