If nobody told me there was a pandemic going on, my life would not be visibly affected since I barely go out to restaurants or concerts or any group activities. It is only because people are wearing masks do I know for sure that something is different but in no way do I long for things to "go back to normal" since my normal is mostly quiet contemplation at home or in the park, shopping for organic food, talking to friends on the phone with an occassional walk in the park! My hermit ways are very beneficial to this time of history.
Can you imagine if the news is fake, how fake our history is? It is just amazing how nothing I accepted as fact right now has any weight to me anymore. If our weather is fake, what else is fake?
Luckily, I have had many years to process all of the lies told to humanity since about 2015, gradually digesting it over time, and learning to rely on myself for support (with the help of my therapist, Agape Church, doctors, and mostly nature) - I have awakened to myself and I can't go back to sleep, which I sometimes miss, as it would be so much EASIER for me to identify as a sick anxious social justice warrior blowing in the wind of whatever we are told to be angry about, while meanwhile the true story/reasons for outrage are hidden from the planet by the people who perpetuate the old paradigm which is crumbling, even more-so because so many people are finally asking WHAT IS *REALLY GOING ON?* on our planet, right now and in general...
What is funny however is that these collective awakenings happen every few decades it seems. My friend George told me about a band from the 60s called 5th Dimension which I listened to and the lyrics to each song are all so timeless and even the concept of "5th Dimension" is something people are now treating as if it is a new thing; for us to collectively ascend from 3rd dimension to 5th dimension. But this is nothing new!
Everything that new age people think about is actually very old age; all the true answers have already been found (plant medicine, learning patience, connection with a Higher Power, refusal of Idol worship aka celebrity worship etc) thousands of years ago, if not MUCH longer, and now we are acting like it is all new... because it is for US.
It is humbling to realize your life is just a speck of time on a huge timeline of souls who believe their existence is somehow extremely unique; because to them it IS! It is just the same how when young people discover sex, they think that it is unique to them and are repulsed at the thought of their parents or grandparents having sex, when this type of epiphany and equal disgust was likely had by the parents and grandparents and beyond, when they were young!
I feel like I am in a new chapter luckily of not caring about what happens, surrendering and knowing that I am strong enough and smart enough to figure things out. I have never been able to fit into any system and have never lived 'normally' - I have somehow managed to always avoid a full-time job my entire life; I have somehow managed to get what I needed (or thought I needed) - and so I must always remember this.
I had pangs of embarrassment realizing that I have been wanting to leave LA since 2018 when I first visited Portland for 3 weeks but I know I am so thankful for the time I have had here. It truly has a magical energy here that is very different from New York. There is a gentle magical energy that pervades everything here, a sense of optimism and sugar, even if the sugar is synthetic and the optimism is only because of high-priced life coaches and 40mg of Prozac per day while the inner-being screams raucously and stomps his hands and feet in the dry soil buried below the Hollywood Stars on the sidewalk.
I sort of feel like I have 'wasted' the last 15 years since graduating college spending time on the internet and hiding from life and experience but it is all thanks to plant medicine that i realize that I was just SO AFRAID of anything new, for fear of danger. I have been afraid of surprises and danger for so long and I am finally learning the irony that by avoiding danger and risk, you are actually risking more than you can imagine!
By living here 2 extra years than I hoped for, I have spent a lot of money that could have been used to funding all the trips I hope to go on (and still will) but it just shows that you either pay for things in obvious ways, or in other ways that are hard to imagine later on...
George told me a quote yesterday that marrying for money is the worst job to ever take on; he was referencing a quote by Mick Jagger but I can't seem to find the exact quote online; but it really felt resonant; that when you do something to save money, you often pay in other ways. Anytime I have ever tried to cut corners or avoid paying money, I end up paying bigger than I imagined! This is why its always best to follow your heart. How to hear your heart? Go into nature and listen. And if you can, try to relax your neck, shoulders and jaw, since there is usually so much tension in each of these places which acts as a constant gnawing distraction from total peace.
