I have learned so much important information about myself in the last 24 hours with the help of my intuition amplified by the wonderful Indica strain of cannabis and meditation in nature.
(but mostly credit to the Indica)
What I have been reminded of is that God has saved me so I could have time to heal and figure out the truth.
I have always had very big ambitions (creating companies/stand up comedy tours/being on television and directing movies/even political aspirations)!
BUT
I am a Highly Sensitive Person and I have not had the nervous system capacity to handle stress/criticism/constant stimulation/busy days, which are often times necessary for these jobs!
For my entire life I felt ashamed at how much I was affected by EVERYTHING (people's bad moods/bright lights/scratchy clothing/taking the subway/big crowds) and figured that because I could not handle stress, I was not cut out for "success"
Taking Prozac from 20-31 helped me "sort of" tolerate stress of acting/writing/starting my jewelry company Jewish Rosaries™/writing script after script/working at MTV but then with all of those pursuits, I would have a total crash and feel inadequate and try to figure out a way OUT of those situations.
I just couldn't handle high stress environments or experiences and felt so ashamed of this my whole life; as if I was destined to be homeless or in a mental institution.
Now that I have finally been saved by God/the Universe by practicing gratitude, the Law of Attraction has helped give back to me in the form of answers as to WHY I was not feeling Inner Peace.
Going to school for Spiritual Psychology helped; but even in that environment, I was in a room of 150 students under flourescent lights and strong perfumes and still feeling like an alien, even there.
In the last 24 hours since reading that website HighlySensitiveRefuge, and now discovering the work of this amazing doctor who focuses on HSP, I know that my biggest step now before pursuing any of my big dreams is to understand how to have resilience when I am faced with stress/criticism/long days.
Another big concern of mine is that because of my sensitivity to my environment/health, it is WHY I believe the very unpopular and unlovely "conspiracies" I do; because I feel things deeply with my intuition and I KNOW that there are side effects to many "modern miracles" we accept as normal such as vaxxinations/5.gee technology/smart meters/GM0s... I KNOW my sensitvity is WHY I have such empassioned views in the first place.
But this is challenging to have unpopular views due to your sensitivity; as you will likely face criticism; which is hard for a sensitive person to handle.
On top of that, I love performing/making jokes, and most of my jokes are not politically correct; so the thought of 'offending' someone is hard; but yet I know this is inevitable when you are a comedian.
A perfect example of a healthy balance of comedy + spirituality/sensitivity is JP Sears
I wonder how he handles criticism as a sensitive person.
OOPS, HE ANSWERED IT HERE! Thank you JP!
Memorable line:
"No one has ever erected a statue of a critic"
(because their contributions are not helping humanity!!!)
I am so thankful to have all of the information coming up around the next level of my healing.
I highly recommend his video on vulnerability which is about how we stop seeking external stimulation/drama when we channel that energy into our own vulnerability! This makes SO much sense why people seek out entertainment; to vicariously live through others/feel big sensations while avoiding the fear that comes from putting themselves "out there" and the nervous system stress that may very likely accompany action towards your dreams!
Even last month I got a mysterious email asking if I wanted to speak on a panel of female leaders and I had such panic at the thought of having to come up with a presentation that although I wrote back and said I was interested, I prayed that the event wouldn't happen because the thought of planning something while looking to move overwhelmed me.
Low and behold, they didn't write back to me until TODAY and their email was vague and I realized I manifested a rejection from this opportunity because my feeling of overwhelm couldn't handle it!!!!
Everything feels different today because of my new mantra
IT IS SAFE TO FEEL UNSAFE RIGHT NOW
(thanks to the inspiration of JP Sears)
God has protected me from fully stepping into any of these careers until I figured out how to manage my health as a Highly Sensitive Person. I am so thankful to be made aware of this trait and not see myself as flawed or too sensitive to be a leader/have intimate relationships with myself and others!
I know I was forced to go through this to be forced to get the education that nobody is really teaching in a mainstream way. My sensitivity was the gift and curse which forced me to learn the truth about such seemingly random topics as minerals/heavy metals/EMFs/stored trauma/past life work/parasites/energetic parasites/Dopamine+other neurotransmitters + their deficiencies/boundaries/nutrition/physical and energetic and psychic protection/the role of SSRIs/Flouride in turning off the spirit chemical we naturally release in our bod DMT/the seat of the soul aka the Pineal Gland.
I know figuring out how to be sensitive and brave at the same time is the step I am on now and I know God has saved me until I could fortify myself enough to handle criticism as the greater the message, the greater the criticism! But also the greater the spiritual and possible physical reward of speaking your truth! There is a reason your gifts and excitements are in you; they are for you to share with the world!
When you deprive your gifts from being shared because you don't think you can handle criticism or stress, remember that the rewards may outweigh the stress; and the people who benefit from your bravery outweigh the critics!
This article is especially helpful!
IF YOU FEAR DYING OUTSIDE SO MUCH THAT YOU AVOID TAKING RISKS, YOU MAY JUST DIE INSIDE WHICH IS A LIFETIME OF DEATH RATHER THAN DYING ONCE
is my modern way of saying this old timey classic
“A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant taste of death but once. It seems to me most strange that men should fear, seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.”
I hope this helps you on your journey ! We can do this! xoxo
