I am so proud of myself for writing my last post regarding the propaganda film, The Social Dilemma as I can feel myself feeling more confident and not as worried about looking stupid or crazy for asking questions that are unpopular, here on this blog and also outwardly to other people.
(while still having compassion for people who think different than me; and wanting to understand WHY they think the way they do)
As a Projector in Human Design, I only share things when I am invited to share; I don't try to shout from the rooftops like I used to; since it is a waste of my energy to try to convince anyone that my ideas or art is worthwhile; I have to trust that the right people will find me - and I am gradually feeling more and more confident to share my authentic feelings (both with other people, and myself)
In regards to my last post (and the theme of many of my posts in general) I have no desire to believe uncomfortable and unpopular fantastical theories.
I would much rather believe that everything is random and there are no sinister agendas at play, in regards to our pandemic, or anything else.
More than anything in this world, I just like to know WHY things are the way they are!!!!
(and help change them for the better!)
I do believe that conspiracies help simplify things down to a very digestible reason for scared people wanting answers - almost like a religion- when reality is a lot more complex, but regardless, as I mentioned in my last post, censoring conspiracies is not the solution to really heal our divided belief systems.
It is giving people truth and compelling evidence that conspiracies are incorrect; not just censoring them off social media!
Many people like myself (and possibly you as well) want to know WHY things are the way they are... When we have so much technology as a species, why is there poverty? sickness? homelessness? habitat destruction? Why are we closing countries down for an illness when there are way more catastrophic illnesses that have never warranted entire closures of countries? Why are cars built so you are in an uncomfortable position the entire time? Shouldn't the gas and break be on the steering wheel and shouldn't cars be made to bounce off each if they get too close so they don't hit each other? This was an idea proposed by Jaques Fresco of the Venus Project, who I visited him in Jupiter Florida. Please look him/The Venus Project up if you have time!
I am drawn to people who want to know why Earthlings accept disrespect, to ourselves and our planet!!!
I just want to know WHY DOES HUMANITY TOLERATE SUCH INJUSTICE WHEN IT IS UNNECESSARY! It is like I am an alien on this planet waiting for humanity to catch up with me!!!
(and in fact, this is probably true as I have RH- blood which I discussed a few posts back)
We can all live so wonderfully! Please watch this documentary BACK TO EDEN on how working with nature instead of against it is the answer for bountiful farming! (I never use the adjective bountiful in real life haha)
This is why I LOVE THE NEW MOVIE THRIVE 2 and THRIVE 1 (which I hope you will check out!) at ThriveOn.com as they are trying to answer the same questions as I am!
WHY?
This is a question most children ask when they are young until a teacher or parent tells them to stop asking "too many questions"... a request which cuts off the wings of curiosity of most magical children, like myself....
I may have mentioned this before but I remember being in Abnormal Psychology class at the very liberal prestigious Oberlin College where I graduated (when I still believed that your college namebrand determined your success!) and I remember asking all kinds of questions, especially in this class.... "Why is this the way it is?" and I remember a girl in my class said "Carlen, we don't need to know Why. Stop asking"
On a side note, I may have also mentioned this but the only reason I majored in Psychology instead of just studying Environmental Studies was after learning about an AMAZING study in Abnormal Psychology focusing on multiple personalities; where a woman with many multiple personalities had sex with a man in a parking lot who she just met; and then sued him in court as she claimed that during sex, she turned into one of her other personalities of a child; and then sued this poor man for child molestation; and then in the courtroom she had a "witness" of one of her other personalities take the stand who was.... A LOBSTER. (I cannot find this study anywhere but I will!)
I have compassion for this woman and I am sure that she has a long road of healing to do but I found this case SO FASCINATING and it made me want to study Psychology (along with trying to figure out how to heal my brain - which definitely did not happen from anything I learned at Oberlin in regards to Psychology!!!)
Anyway, back to my original point, I remember feeling very ashamed and equally angry at this girl who shamed me for asking WHY all the time, and this mindset in general.
I now realize that asking WHY is a hallmark of being a Highly Sensitive Person as we want to understand the world and the way it works.
Why do we just accept things the way they are? Why have hippies/the counterculture been essentially ineffective since the 1960s in creating the type of justice they want to see in the world? (I think it's because these movements have been hijacked by wolves in paisley velvet sheep's clothing but that's for another topic)
WHY are rents so expensive? If a landlord already owns a building, why can they charge $1,000 a month for people x the # of units and make a fortune every month while their tenants are floundering to pay.
It seems so unfair to me; I believe that buildings should have a subsidized rent where tenants will continue to pay a healthy rent that both covers the landlord's mortgage, property taxes and still gives them an income; without making anyone go broke.
Tenants should only be putting 20% of their income to rent so they can begin investing more of it into buying their OWN house (which should also be priced in accordance to property taxes/local taxes and NOT an arbitrary price like $800,000 just because they can 'get' that amount) - this seems like we could have a solution that benefits everyone!
I do not think that this type of rent subsidy should come from 'force' like in a socialist/communist country, but I think that people should remember their compassion for other living beings and tenants should have some kind of Union by each state or country, who can really express to landlords what is fair for everyone.... They can find out the actual price of taxes/expenses for their landlord and their rent should be based accordingly so everyone benefits.
As for the correct price of rent, all I can say for now is that people should not be paying all of their money to rent and staying on a debt treadmill.
WHY is nobody talking about this?
WHY are people accepting this life as
it is, working and being a slave to money to make a landlord richer so
they can help pay for their niece's second nose job meanwhile their
tenants are floundering to make ends' meet.
WHY is unemployment cut off when you begin to make like $11,000 a year? If you make $12,000 a year, you are still in an unlivable wage for America to have a decent quality of life (if you are not completely self sufficient)
You need about $25,000 minimum to live comfortably in America in most places! By making unemployment stop at $11,000, you incentivize people to stay poor or they will make 'too much' (but not enough to survive) - This is not helpful for either citizens/tax payers, or government! (Unless your goal is to have only the Lower Class and Upper Class and eliminate the Middle Class - which seems to be the design to me!)
WHY ARE THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE?
See the thing is, the one luxury that has been a constant in my life, even when my health was terrible and I had no energy except to do basic things, is the luxury of TIME.
I have always prioritized having free-time to daydream over anything else because my health precluded me from prioritizing anything else.
Because I became overwhelmed by stress/overstimulation (even good things like trying to make projects), I have had basically the last 15 years to live as simply as possible (minus part-time jobs) and ask myself WHY are things the way they are; and I realize that having time is very unique and rare!
Most people are so rushed and busy trying to survive/put food on the table (the bottom part of the pyramid in Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs) where, somehow, even though there were times that I had to eat canned beans for days at a time because I couldn't afford to buy much else (since I was too tired to work full-time), I was able to have the luxury of time and focus on the top of the Hierarchy of Needs which was Self Actualization.
It was like I jumped over all of the other rungs of the Hierarchy Pyramid and jumped to the top somehow - to ask big questions about life, in a messy room, eating a cold can of dented beans (haha gross, I always cooked them and added olive oil, garlic and spices)
I am not posting this to evoke sympathy from you but just to paint a picture that I have always been a day dreamer and a dreamer of a better world - who will not rest and accept things as 'normal' (even before 'the new normal')
I am grateful to my sensitivities and health challenges for forcing me to prioritize slow cheap days of simplicity like taking walks alone in Brooklyn along the Greenpoint waterfront, watching elderly Polish men catch eels (and wondering how eels generate electricitiy and if we could use them to power buildings), rather than spending $28 on dinner with friends, since I did not have much expendable income (and didn't like crowds or noises)
Anyway, the point is, I am glad that my cognitive abilities are back and my sense of power is back to even outwardly voice my questions (even if it is only here on my blog, which I have erased from search engines; so only a select few people like yourself will find it if you actively seek me out)
I am just writing because I want to thank you for witnessing my evolution and my barriers coming down against myself. I no longer care what people think of me as much as I care about trying to help our planet and asking questions which I believe are worthy of asking, as the answers may benefit not just me but millions of people (I hope)
I know that we are all forced onto our journeys with seemingly random pain and heartache because those experiences are necessary for us to come to the conclusions we have come to today.
Had I never developed OCD or exhaustion, I would truly probably have become a famous comedian (or not famous comedian - just a normal level comedian/actor) , but never had really excavated the depths of myself/learned about past lives/heal intergenerational patterns....
I now do feel ready to do standup comedy again (but am definitely moving out of Los Angeles, regardless) and I think that my type of standup comedy will be closer to public speaking, but that which is funny.
I remember going on tour for my film The Color Wheel and the highlight was doing the Q+A after each film screening and interacting with fans and making stupid jokes and answering questions. About 80% of why I wanted to make another movie after The Color Wheel was so I could go to film festivals and do the Q+A and explore different towns.
I realize now that I can do that type of lifestyle without having to make another movie! (though I still hope to do that as well; but in documentary form)
I may have also mentioned this before but I had the epiphany that stand up comedy should entail standing up for what is right; not just distracting people. I know that anything I do, I want it to involve standing up.
For now, my forms of expressions are here on my blog, and social media.
I just posted a new post to my instagram @earthtocarlen which you can read. It is so obvious but when I post a SeLfiE, it gets a lot more likes than when I post heartfelt words or nature; and I understand it is because humans desire connection and beauty and familiarity; but it is also repulsive to me as well because it just shows what humanity is dealing with on a macro-level, of Pavlovian conditioning where we are rewarded for superficial things more than our depths, and (most likely) many people will lean into their physical beauty than their words/art/poetry/adventures since it garners much more Dopamine in the form of likes...
The solution for me to combine my beauty and truth in a way that is disarming and loving and sees both sides.
I truly do like to see all sides of a story/conspiracy and I think this makes me very unique in that I have many friends who are passionate Democrats and passionate Republicans and passionate a-political people who believe there is no point in voting as it is all rigged.
I love hearing all perspectives especially moreso now as I know that my goal is constant learning, and I am not stupid to re-evaluate my views. It is a sign of intelligence to reforming your views based on more compelling information; we are all doing the best we can!
For example. the topic that I have been avoiding but alluding to on this blog is that I was shown a very very very very fascinating and magical vision a few weeks ago when I asked the Indica, what is REALLY going on right now? I began automatic writing and I could not stop writing for 6 pages in a handwriting that was not even my own; in a writing style that was not even my own.
Have you ever heard of automatic writing? I may have mentioned it on this blog before but I NEVER thought this would happen to me; but I can assure you it is real; and what I uncovered is so mindblowing but as I mentioned, I want to be somewhere in nature before unveiling it.
But the topic of this 'download' is all about Oxygen and staying on the correct timelime.
There are all sorts of channellers on Youtube and part of me is still afraid of coming out of the psychic spiritual closet to share what came forward in my automatic writing as I don't know if I want to be known for this. Especially since the information that came forward was SO UNUSUAL.
However I am so grateful to my higher guides for sharing this information with me and I am only going to share it with people who resonate with my words (aka not shout it from the rooftops, trying to wake up all of humanity like I would have done in the past)
I still have a vestige of shame/fear of being seen as crazy/fear of things living on the internet indefinitely so I still have a fear (even though this goes against my earlier assertion that I care more about helping the world than people liking me... so why am I holding back, right?)
As I write this, I really feel I need to unveil what was shown to me; it is this very same inner voice that wrote through me a few weeks ago, which also spoke to me in 2017 and throughout the past 3 years to stop saving the world and focus on saving myself first.
The voice has shown me so many incredible things....
I could actually just paste what it told me right now and trust that you will not judge me for it. But I do want to put it into a book. The voice told me that the message was 'not for everyone'
Do you want to see the message? AHHHHHH!
Ha! I was initially going to write a much more 3-dimensional human-experience blogpost that I drove on the highway to Malibu and back home.
This was such a big accomplishment to me! That was the initial point of writing this , as I was also so happy because I found this interview I did with Urban Outfitters (who refuses to pay its workers during this pandemic and I will never shop there again unless they change their ways) but anyway, I did an interview with them 10 years ago, and had forgotten all about it and today I was at my most favorite organic supermarket in Calabasas called Erewhon drinkking a Chaga mushroom Capuccino with Dandellion and Coconut milk (how "Los Angeles" of a drink - and $9!) and I came across this article and it said "in 10 years, my greatest wish is to have enough money to have pets, and plants and travel, and learn how to drive"
I am so happy to say that all of that came true, and so much more!
NOW, WHERE TO MOVE?
I am going to base my decision on ::
quality of air (high Oxygen and not dry and not too high altitude)
access to organic farms and holistic healers
not too many mosquitoes
no noises like barking dogs or hunting nearby
ability to go to a town and use internet
lots of trees surrounding me to shield me from EMFs and 5.Gee
3 day maximum driving back to Los Angeles (4 hours a day maximum per day on road)
safe from fires / vandalism
20 minutes to a sense of community/yoga/holistic health classes
To make my decision, I am asking around but also using my Human Design and Astrocartography map, which I have mentioned before. I found this video especially helpful.
Thanks for reading! I appreciate you so much.
