Now that I am more outspoken on my views and wants and needs and passions (more open hearted and more expressive in general), I am noticing that when someone has a different opinion, it makes me temporarily question if I am wrong and illogically assume that they must be right, especially if they are louder or more confident than me.

This comes from insecurity and people-pleasing and I am so happy to be facing this now, instead of hiding behind my Ego or labeling myself or someone as "stupid" if we see things differently or have different tastes in things.

I am noticing this with one of my very closest friends in the world; she has very passionate views like I do but if we disagree on something and she says she disagrees with something or someone I am passionate about, I have a moment where I believe I must be 'wrong' and she is 'right'. 

I automatically begin to second guess my beliefs instead of taking a deep breath and looking deeply into my friend's opinion and seeing if it feels right for me to take in and deciding what feels true to me.

This is a really important stage for me - to be able to respect people and their opinions and viewpoints while also knowing that they might not be correct for me and having essentially a mental boundary, where I am allowed to have my own viewpoints.

For example, I shared a podcast with a friend of mine run by the teacher who I am taking the course from that I was very excited about and she didn't like the opinions of the host and it made me feel deflated and insecure, as if perhaps it is a horrible podcast and I don't have good taste in 'what's good' and perhaps I don't know what I am doing in life by even taking this course, since perhaps this person isn't as good as I think she is...

(but I know deep down I have great taste in things, like my hip musical taste, OBVIOUSLY - listen haha)

Since everything and every relationship is a mirror for what we learned to accept as 'normal' in childhood, I am sure that when I was a child, I was not allowed to have my own opinion or way of doing things (like wearing 2 different colored Converse shoes (one dark purple on the left foot, one hunter green on the right foot - how QuRikY), which I did until age 10 when I was shamed for it and went back to only wearing one color at a time) 

Not to mention, the entire structure of school is listening to an authority as "right" and discounting your own beliefs or experiences or tastes.

PS Going to art school was so damaging for my sense of taste since we were graded on our creativity. Of course I would learn to try to please others in my viewpoints and tastes in things!

I learned to equate verbal/opinion/artistic/aesthetic conformity with others with my grades/survival (ie. agree with your teachers/caretakers/peers or DIE) so now, in my 30s, I immediately want to 'agree' with other people as a safety mechanism.

This has nothing to do with my friend, or anyone else but is just an incredible stage to be at, to be aware of. 

I can respect all of my friends and disagree with them. 

 I do not need to villanize anyone in order to disagree with them. 

Converse-ly (purple and green), I don't need to feel "bad" if someone disagrees with me or that I am a "bad" person to confront someone with a different opinion. 

Listening to myself and my own guidance system is a boundary that is worth learning.

I realize that part of why I don't have a Comments section on my blog and stopped being active on Instagram was so I could learn to hear my own opinion for the first time thoroughly instead of jumping into whatever opinion was expressed of my viewers/readers....

I knew deep down that I did not have the emotional foundation to stick to my viewpoints up until even THIS MONTH, as a recovering people pleaser.

It would be the OPPOSITE of people-pleasing to disagree with people, especially on sensitive topics.

PS This song is so beautiful (TO ME, haha)

YOU MAY HATE IT AND THAT'S OKAY RIGHT? Or do I have to hate it if you hate it now?

Speaking of which, I found this singer whose song I linked above because I was told that during the day, she works in the park as a Parks Department Officer who drives around in a truck making sure the park is clean. I told that to my mom and she told me I should do that as a job. I was mildly insulted since I have such global goals where I can't imagine being in the same place all the time- but I was also intrigued at the thought of doing that and perhaps it could be my PERFECT JOB, though I would want to be somewhere *not* in Los Angeles or New York City to do that...

I am excited to prioritize my own opinion over others opinions, while allowing them to have their own opinions. Even if someone tries to SHAME me for my opinions, I am still allowed to have them. I do not need to forfeit my sense of the world to make others feel better - and equally, my friend has the right to disagree with me without being 'wrong'

It is all so much learning to be a human, isn't it?

I know I need this new found awareness in order to have strong friendships with people who ARE passionate and have a backbone. I don't only want to have wet noodle friends who are apathetic or 'yes men'. I want to be confronted with new information. And I want to know that if someone tries to shame or cancel me, that it doesn't make them (or me) 'right' since there IS no absolute truth, it is all relative.

In a way, there is no 'good taste' or 'bad taste' in how someone dresses or lives or feels - since to that particular person, they DO have good taste.

Culture should not dictate what we see as 'good' or 'in style' and therefore 'worth buying'

Harpers Bazaar Magazine used to have a section in the back of their magazine "What's In" What's Out" and I would read it and legitimately think "Oh look, PVC fake leather leggings are IN" - but WHO IS DICTATING THAT? The petrochemical industry? 

What if the entire fashion industry is just a prank to see how malleable and insecure people are, to see what hideous thing they can be tricked into buying?

Can you believe most luxury handbags are made from calfskin and lambskin? As in, the skin of baby calves and baby lambs? 

To me, that is so sick and it is just accepted as normal and "IN".

Therefore, why would I ever conform in my opinion to something that doesn't resonate? 

More than EVER, I am being confronted with opinions which DON'T resonate (by Harper's Bazaar and elsewhere) and so it makes perfect sense for me to finally learn that it is OK for me to have different opinions and I won't die for disagreeing with my peers, which probably (definitely) happened in a past life.

It is OK for me to be a 'misinformed' witch with bad taste in music now and the same is true for you too.

ROCK ON