Last night I took myself on a date.
I got dressed up in "non-pandemic" clothing (aka a shirt from H&M I have been wearing for 9 years and my 1 purchase of clothing this entire pandemic - a pair of green velour bellbottoms - but at least it's not sweatpants) and wore lipstick I got from WholeFoods like the #princess I am. HAHA but seriously, folks!
First I went to a little park in Beverly Hills near where I am staying for a walk around the flowers and decided I still hate being around crowds of loud people - especially with little yipping dogs (GO BACK INDOORS PEOPLE, IT'S A PANDEMIC. I NEED QUIET, THANKS) ; then I had a nice phonecall with my mom (our relationship is so much better since I explained to her how I felt all these years); then I drove to a very nice and quiet candlelit dinner at a restaurant called Belcampo, which is one of the only restaurants in Los Angeles that has organic and grassfed/grass-finished meat that ensures humane treatment of the animals. I was going to order take-out but I learned they were finally open for business so I decided to eat there and it was so very lovely.
I am so grateful that there are restaurants that have integrity and are committed to welfare of their workers and edible offerings in the form of organic produce and humanely raised/grassfed meat. Obviously the whole "killing" part of any animal is not humane no matter how you slice it (ugh, that expression has never felt more violent untol now), but since I have accepted that I legitimately need to eat red meat for my mental health, I am trying my best so I only support small farms/etc.
Eating red meat is something I never imagined myself doing, as a self-proclaimed vegetarian from age 7-30 and attempted raw vegan from 25-30 - (with gradual annual burgers from Five Leaves, Brooklyn which made me feel euphoric and question how sustainable my #sustainable veganism was possible for) ...
Now a few years into eating meat on a weekly basis, I am blown away at how much eating red meat has helped me and my mental health, which I am sure I have repeatedly mentioned a few months ago here on this secret blog on the topic of meat - and how the entire experience of accepting that I am an omnivore was one of the hallmark experiences of accepting that WOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT FOR EVERYONE AND I AM NOT TIED TO ANY BELIEF SYSTEM AND I DON'T WISH TO MAKE ANY OF MY BELIEFS MY IDENTITY AND THAT'S OK!
That being said, what will never change is how much I love our planet and animals and I try to be as conscientious as possible when I do eat any food or buy anything (minus the 7 times I have used AmazonSmile to buy books/protein bars/those boots I mentioned and the velour bellbottoms I wore last night). NOBODY IS A PERFECT PRINCESS, AM I RIGHT PEOPLE?
ON THE TOPIC OF PRINCESSES, I legitimately believe that high intake of soy products have the ability to femininize men - based on the Estrogen content and what I have seen happen to guy friends I know in my own life - from enlarged breast tissue to apathy to knitting pastel pink bonnets for hours on end (just kidding about that last one)
If you are currently eating a lot of soy like I was, regardless of your gender, I encourage you to read some other material, which is counter-narrative to the "Veganism will save the Earth" mindset that I was unknowingly part of, which sounds AMAZING in theory, but does not work for ALL people.
I think soy once in awhile - whether organic soy milk or organic tofu in a stir-fry is totally fine - but to make it the staple of each meal may be setting you up for HUGE MALE MOTORBOATABLE BOSOMS later on... JK????
Actually, in terms of climate change, beef farms are not always "BAD"- you can read more about Bel Campo here.
On a side note, I never eat bread/any gluten, and I do not eat eggs more than once a month due to the potential virus-feeding that they are capable of, according to my doctor and MedicalMedium
I also eat 100% organically as much as possible and never drink tap water, which is only possible/affordable if you invest in a water filter. I like Berkey Brand - my friend where I am staying gets Sparkletts water delivered.
I don't think it's good to feel you need to be a perfectionist when it comes to what you eat/drink; I just know that I feel immediately terrible when I eat "un-healthy" so I have learned to navigate life eating healthfully so I feel my best.
There is no one-size fits all approach but the closer to nature, the better, in my opinion.
Remember almost everything is propaganda (an attempt to convince you to align with others beliefs/mindsets/ways of life) and everyone has a vested interest in holding onto the mental schema that they are "good" so you can find arguments for or against ANY lifestyle on the internet.
It is up to you to do what is best, and all I can do is share what has helped me, and eating grassfed beef is high up there.
ANYWAY THAT WAS A TOTAL TANGENT
What I wanted to say was that I had such a nice dinner in a restaurant (which is something I literally have not done since like January 2020 - unrelated to the pandemic, more to my sensitivity to crowds/people's moods etc) -
I had a grassfed burger with carmelized onions on a lettuce sandwich and sweet potato fries and an order of broccolini which is tiny fancy broccoli that speaks with an Italian accent.
It was so nice to just go somewhere and be "normal" (again, unrelated to the pandemic and more to my confidence to not take in other people's energy/not have to be on high-alert anymore) and afterwards I took a nice walk and sat under a tree next to a church, which is coincidentally where I found my parking spot.
I looked up at the moon and asked "Thank you for this very surprising very healing very intense time of learning. Thank you for this delicious dinner. Thank you for my health and safe car and place to live... OK tell me where is the right place for me to move. I am ready to move soon...."
"There is no Good or Bad choice; Do what you want to do and THAT IS ALWAYS the Good choice"
It was such a simple response but it really made me so emotional because it is in such contrast to the way I have lived my life.
I truly have always tried to do "what is good" (for others/the planet/society/my parents) without thinking about "what I want to do" - even if it seemed like on the surface I was an "artistic non-conformist"
I was always at odds with "how can I express mys rebellious spirit without offending anyone?"
I was always at odds with myself and this is why I never enjoyed making anything.
The idea of equating "what I want to do" as "good" is so profoundly simple and beautiful and the OPPOSITE of what school brainwashes us to think....which all makes sense now, since school is an indoctrination tool instead of a way to make people healthy, wealthy or wise.
The idea that I can be "good" by following my heart, even if it does not benefit anyone else is so freeing to feel and I am so grateful to finally realize this!!!!
Something I thought about while driving home was the fact that when the chiropractor asked me what I want to do, I said "I want to help people heal their mental health by understanding the role of environmental toxins and write books/do public speaking on it/ etc"
ACTUALLY... THIS ANSWER IS TOO LIMITING!!!!
I REALLY THINK IT IS SO UNNATURAL THAT PEOPLE DO THE SAME THING EVERYDAY! OF COURSE THIS WILL LEAD TO BOREDOM/DEPRESSION FOR MOST PEOPLE!
I want to spend some months where I am just making art or dancing or growing food or running in the woods with a large dog or traveling or playing pingpong with someone who is better than me.
I don't want to do "one thing" - that is such an unnatural way to live - like monoculture farming is not good for the soil; neither is doing the same think over and over like a mono-culture not good for the soUl. (Soil/Soul/Sol are all strangely connected, aren't they?)
Speaking of which, at the chiropractor office, there were 2 little girls with a very depressed-seeming mother with terrible energy who sat next to me - extremely close, even though there were other seats not directly next to me - so to stay in my energy field, I turned my body away from her as politely and seamlessly as I could so I wouldn't feel her sadness or grey aura (which sounds mean but her energy was TERRIBLE)
What was interesting was that she had her kids watching an iPad that was extremely loud but it was an animated lesson on the solar system, and how much larger the sun is than Earth and how lucky we are living in the "solar system" and that the Earth is a "goldilocks planet" (not too hot, not too cold)
We really are on such an amazing planet and the sun really is our source of life, and to me, the sun has so much magic and significance even though we are told to forget this and demonize the sun and cover ourseves with SPF 95 like I used to do....
We treat "Sunday" as the holy day off/day of reverence to God (historically); and I believe that the Sun IS the most visual reminder of God and a loving presence we can always rely on to rise each morning. How nice we can rely on the Sun, a physical embodiment of our Heavenly Father to always be there for us (SURPRISE, HE IS TAKING WEDNESDAY OFF FOR A CELESTIAL BBQ). The Moon is the physical embodiment of our Heavenly Mother; and the Earth is the Heavenly embodiment of our own Inner Selves. The way we treat the Earth is a reflection of the way we treat ourselves - and vice versa.
The reason people smoke and pollute is a sign of their own self-hatred/disconnection with themselves... It is all so obvious now!
I understand now why cultures worshipped the sun so much; it really is such an important part of our lives, whether we remember to notice it or not, just like Oxygen from the trees is such an important part of our lives, whether we remember to notice it or not.
ANYWAY, I think all of the solar flares that have been happening really have been part of humanity's awakening/activation of dormant DNA. We have been taught to "fear the sun" (in the form of climate change/wrinkles) but I honestly believe this is a part of the propaganda to make us feel afraid of what is good for us.
The sun is so healing in every way. Of course, you don't want to sit for hours on end getting sunburned, but I believe that spending more time in the sun is one of the simplest things you can do to feel good.
With that, I am going to go get ready to go to the woods now for the day.
ONE THING I WANTED TO MENTION:
2 years ago, before I got my beloved Subaru car, I was super-obsessed with a certain car called the Honda Element. I just remembered a very wacky story I will share next time, if I remember...
