I am telling you without a doubt that expressing myself honestly, both on this blog and to friends, has been one of the most healing things for my health and if you are dealing with any health issues, being honest (first with yourself), then on a weird pseudo-secret blog and/or diary can make you feel a release that can't be ingested through supplements or self-help books.

Self-Honesty is a part of health.

We are here to be authentic beings and learn to love ourselves instead of hate ourselves for what makes us different. 

We are all complex people and despite imagery on screens, nobody is immune from complexity or diarrhea from time to time, not even the blondest most Facetuned celebrity.

We have to first accept ourselves fully (all of ourselves, not just the "helpful" parts of ourselves but also the angry/firey/jealous/scared/sexual/feisty/immature/gassy parts of ourselves as equally worthy of love.

Yesterday I got my bangs trimmed at a salon in Beverly Hills owned by a very nice man and we realized we are both on the same exact page with everything what's going on right now; it is just so funny to be on Rodeo Drive getting my hair trimmed, surrounded by hoards of people in masks shopping for $1000+ handbags while casually discussing with a hair dresser who owns his own salon, how alienated we both feel!

There are so many people questioning things and I believe this is absolutely a spiritual war but we can only win it through love. It is so fun to point out the problems with a firey rage of "WAKE UP PEOPLE" but that is energetically fueling the darkness.

Fear and anger are addictive when you have subconscious trauma you have not healed;We are bombarded with fear and trauma and toxicity since birth from so many angles and we must unlearn all of it for us to stop being addicted to fear as if it is "normal"

We need to stop waiting for the "other shoe to drop" when good things happen.

We need to stop waiting for a monster to come out when we are peacefully sitting in the woods.

We need to stop believing that anyone can enslave or save us but ourselves.

Today I am driving to Topanga Canyon (a very "rich hippy" area near Los Angeles) to see a friend I haven't seen in 8 years who is apparently also on the same page as me, who has a pet wolf. My friend is a lovely person and I am excited to see him. We once took a ferry to Staten Island and went to a thrift store owned by a cult, and it was super fun and weird.

Something I think about is the fact that so many people in Beverly Hills drive Rolls Royces and have luxury handbags but it is so stupid because they are using a large chunk of their wealth to prove their wealth. It is like having an expensive wallet with nothing in it. People have been so duped to buy things to prove their wealth while at the same time hemorraghing their wealth.

I guess if you are a billionaire, it is nothing to buy all namebrand luxury cars/items but for most people, they are buying these things to "look wealthy" and it is funny that by doing that, they are losing the actual wealth they are hoping to express.

The entire concept of "luxury goods" is for the most part, a complete manipulation so humans give up their wealth to a small group of people who would literally have absolutely nothing to do with them.

Namebrand addiction comes from our inherent need to belong to a tribe; but it's just incredible how far-removed people are from a sense of community that they will try to seek it in Chanel or Hermes or Bentley or BMW and yet nobody will have any sense of communication with each other, just a conditionally-inflated sense of self-importance based on their object ownership.

Yesterday I talked to George and it was a bittersweet conversation because he said he loves me the most in the whole world and will always be there if I need him and yet I was still sad that he has started dating the nextdoor neighbor. At the same time, I am also happy for him because he is a 60 year old man who lives in a cave and eats out of garbage cans and he dated me, and now he is dating a 26 year old! I wish I could show you pictures of George but he is very private but he is one of the most fascinating people I have ever met and the first human I have ever felt safe with in my entire life besides my therapist.

Now I am feeling safe with myself and I am so thankful that George was such a big part of my journey. 

I am so grateful to be living with my close friend from school now as we are really both healing and learning so much. Last night we both cleared past lives where we were in shackles for religious persecution. It was like we both unknotted somethings in our brain that stopped us from feeling safe to speak out in this lifetime. We are learning SO MUCH and it is such a relief to be with people who don't make me feel like I am weird as if it is a 'bad' thing.

:D

That's all for now.