Your urge to control life controls you - Mooji 

 

Yesterday I had a wonderful adventure driving to visit a friend in Topanga Canyon. The road was so windy and narrow (have you been to Topanga Canyon?) but I made it! First I went to my favorite restaurant there called Topanga Living Cafe and ordered Balinese corn fritters and a hemp milk latte and drank it indoors with the air conditioning shining on me which was so refreshing after a very long drive.

 

I made it to my friend's house and it was so nice to see him after not having seen him for about 8 years. 

 

It's crazy that my therapist told me 2 weeks ago "Now that you are back in your body, you will notice that men will be seeing you and craving your company and asking you out" and SHE WAS RIGHT. (!?) 

 

It is really fascinating to me because all of a sudden, so many guys from my past have been reaching out to me (literally, it is so baffling to me why it is all happening at ONCE - even today, the guy who randomly gave me an envelope of $10,000 cash in 2016 who owns a popular TV station randomly invited me to Florida today out of the blue EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE 2016...my ex-bf from 2006 just said he wants to meet me and my mom in Texas next week, I received 3 unprovoked bathroom selfies from 3 different guys, WTF.... WHY ME? WHY NOW?!!!)

 

Even the ex best-friend of mine I wrote about who "thinks I went crazy" texted me yesterday out of the blue to say he misses me! WTF!

 

I HAVEN'T EVEN UPLOADED A MORONIC SELFIE TO SOCIAL MEDIA. WHAT THE HECK.

 

On top of that, yesterday it was just funny because my friend who I visited asked me if he could lie next to me on the couch and I said "no" but that "he could lie opposite me" (which he did), which was awkward of a boundary to have, but important for me to do. 

 

ISN'T IT WEIRD HOW HONEST I AM ON THIS BLOG? I MIGHT HAVE TO MAKE IT PRIVATE BUT ALSO, NO! THIS IS ALL TRUE AND THE POINT OF THIS BLOG IS AUTHENTIC EXPRESSION AND I HAVE CHANGED EVERYONE'S NAME (EXCEPT GEORGE, WHICH IS HIS REAL NAME BECAUSE IT IS TOO PERFECT OF A NAME!!!1!)

 

I told my friend who I visited yesterday that I think platonic friendships are unnatural so I understand the desire to cuddle but also it just didn't feel right, even though we were both lying on his velvet couch and my velvet pants were almost the exact same color and we are both young and single and have a special connection.

 

He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again.

 

The primitive part of me thinks that everyone should just be having orgies all the time and monogamy is super boring and that women secretly want to be gang-banged/raped (by attractive STD-free people only of course, haha) --- and then the "modern" part of me is like "One day I will find my soulmate and in the meantime, I just want to be friends with everyone, even my attractive male friends" --- I know many women have both of these sides to them secretly and it doesn't even feel politically incorrect to write that because of how many women I know who feel this way.

 

I encourage everyone to read the book SEX AT DAWN by Christopher Ryan  which I know I have mentioned before, on this very socially awkward topic.

 

It is just so weird to me how reality follows your inner transformation. It really is so wild that the physical world is in direct reflection of your internal/spiritual world. This is exactly the theme I am in right now; figuring out how I can further alter the internal so the reflection externally will be what I desire?

Last July I channelled a book with my eyes closed while under the influence of cannabis and it was all about this pandemic and it was all about staying in the highest timeline - not giving into the fear of the virus OR the fear of the vaccine. It was all about staying in the frequency of love and taking action from a place of "no wrong answers"

 

Essentially: Following your heart towards your internal destination without fear of mistakes or failure and not blaming or romanticizing the external world/authority for any of your internal problems. Basically TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!

Yesterday when I drove to Topanga Canyon I made a wrong turn and it took me on a completely different route but I still made it there and this is symbolic of life; there are NO wrong turns you can make; everything is set up for you to learn SOMETHING important and once you realize this, life becomes an incredible game where you see every occurence (even uncomfortable ones) as happening FOR your growth.

Yesterday as I was getting in the car to leave, I received a text message that an airline ticket had been purchased with my account so I got out of the car and called my bank and called the airline and it was a horrible fiasco but we figured out that somebody with the same phone number as me (minus one digit difference) accidentally used my phone number when they purchased their ticket; it wasn't that I had been scammed.

Regardless, it was a harrowing experience to figure out what happened and I felt all sorts of anxiety that I was running late to meet my friend. I felt a deep feeling of panick over being late to see him, and my friend Robyn, who I am living with and I sat with me and I cried for 10 minutes and I realized that I was having an emotional flashback of all the times my dad yelled at me for being even 1 minute late to see him, and saying to me that he would never wait more than 10 minutes for me, and only 5 minutes for other people. I have always had a compulsive need to be punctual for everything and I equally resented anyone for being late for things, since I was led to believe it equated disrespect.

Yesterday, when I saw I was going to be an hour late to Topanga (since I had to deal with the credit card), I messaged my friend and he said "no problem" 

 

NO PROBLEM?

 

You mean I wasn't going to get abandoned or shouted at?

I believe that I needed this experience to happen so I could learn that not all men yell at me like my dad did, and not all men will abandon me if I am late.

In fact, my dad was an anomaly, and I realize that his rigidity/stress when it came to being on time is what made reality so stressful for him, and for me, until I dissolved the illusion yesterday that punctuality = safety/righteousness.

 

When you have to control reality, reality no longer is fun, and control is also an illusion that we have bought into, since we were brainwashed to live in fear of the unknown instead of wonder.

 

As I told you, my inner voice told me to reframe surprises as blessings instead of misfortunes and I believe yesterday's airplane ticket scam was absolutely one of these situations where I got to dissolve my fear of being late AND I got to make sure I prioritized getting my favorite corn fritters before I left AND visit my friend (I didn't have to rush to be "on time" to meet my friend and NOT get my favorite corn fritters)

 

I also got to connect with a male friend without feeling guilty that I was not sexual with them. I have always had mostly male friends and they have all wanted more from me, and I ended up usually making out with most of them to appease them and now I am not doing that, because that is not fair to either of us.

 

It's strange to realize that when you do things that are good for yourself, you are also doing good for other people, as they need to learn lessons just like you do.

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW