It fascinates me that I am so extremely passionate about a very narrow range of topics now. I would much rather go back to simply thinking about my own career or even just shopping/having a crush on someone. I really wish I could just go back to being asleep and seeing the world as a series of random events and believing that our governments really were trying their best to protect humans and that it was "individual corporations fault" and "if only young people cared about the planet more, things would be different!"

I had no idea that the system was intentionally set up to fail people - and intentionally program their minds to stay in toxic limbo, the way mine was for my entire life up until 31, when things all began to make less and less sense - which coincided with my beginning attempts to wean myself off Prozac (which started in 2015 and really took off in 2017) and coincided with my growing interest in God and spirituality (with THE MAGIC by Rhonda Byrne being my absolute necessary initiation/"gateway drug" to finding God)

I really wish I could just think about simple things like learning how to can fruits or buying a linen outfit on Etsy or things like that. 

I think about those things too (and really am excited about buying an olive linen trench coat I found!!!) but I just can't help but think of macro-issues like those which I have mentioned since the beginning of this blog : a) GMOs b) unnatural EMF frequencies c) geoengineering and the accompanying heavy metals we ingest because of it d) the toxicity of schooling e) the toxicity of our medical establishments f) the dishonesty and toxicity of government organizations which purport to be working for our highest good such as the FDA g) the dishonesty of global organizations such as the United Nations and associated events like Global Citizen h) the inversion of activism where activism is made to seem "trendy" but only when it is when people are accidentally marching to their own greater enslavement , hence why most protests do not make the news and only a few do such as those featuring Greta Thunberg, who I intuitlvely think is being manipulated just like other young people like David Hogg.

I know I may seem like a broken record but it is like my soul won't let me look away from this (and (i) my own internal trauma, which I am working so hard to heal)

It is really funny because I genuinely came to all these a) - i) concerns on my own - from my intuition - yet the internet/social media has led me to other people equally concerned about these issues. 

It is funny however that the people who are concerned about these types of issues are labeled as ignorant/uneducated/Right Wing extremists/Republican back country idiots who sit in front of Fox News all day.

It is funny that I have come out of the most Liberal Expensive educational system of Oberlin College and an upbringing as a Jewish "educated" person from Manhattan yet now it seems like my ideology would be labeled as "backwards and uneducated"

I just find it so funny that there are many others like me - some more closeted than I am,  and some way less closeted - who are also coming to the same conclusions about the state of the world and the inversion of 'social justice warriors' - and I just think it is so funny that I would feel more at home in a trailer in Texas than in Beverly Hills where I type this blog from.

The way to deal with this feeling of shame is to look within and handle the programming I experienced that made me feel it was unsafe to be different. 

The programming I experienced that made me feel I would die if I was yelled at. 

The programming I experienced that made me feel I was a "selfish bad girl" if I questioned people.

I just think it is so funny and being off social media the last 4 days has made my intuition grow LOUDER.

That's all for now!