Yesterday I went back to my new favorite energy vortex in the middle of the woods in Beverly Hills (yes, really!) and sat down and the trees told me something so accurate. "Political correctness helps politics not people." 

WOW TREES YOU NEED YOUR OWN TWITTER ACCOUNT, THAT IS SO RETWEETABLE/RETREETABLE. But alas, all social media is compromised and attempt to do exactly what the trees warn against; separate and divide, so I will keep this perfect soundbyte here with you and me.

It is true though that political correctness does not help anyone. This is not to say "go out and be intentionally offensive" - but it is to say that actively censoring/self-censoring/cancelling anything for fear of being "racist/sexist/any-ist" is so counterproductive to world peace and inner peace.

In fact, to me, hyper political correctness is a form of racism because it is based on the assumption that people of different groups will shrivel up like helpless victims if even an off-color joke is made against their group as a whole. It is pretty much only white liberal people who are behind the cancel culture and I know this is because of their own inner shame over their own privilege and racism.  

I am not sure if I mentioned this anecdote but I used to have a very close friend who thinks I "went crazy" LOL "WHICH ONE, CARLEN?" (the best friend who witnessed me having sex with a ghost after he gave me a full dropper of Indica in 2017 among many other memories) and I hung out with him only once in 2019 and we drove to Malibu and I was doing a silly imitation in the car, based on a story our mutual friend (my ex-boyfriend) told me of when he sat across from a woman on a bus in Los Angeles saying over and over again "I'm an at-home-care-provider" in a soothing Caribbean accent. So in the car, for some reason, I was maniacally saying this sentence over and over again "I'm an at home care provider" in my best calming Caribbean accent and then my friend (who is really good at doing imitations) joined in and then for some reason I was feeling frisky and posted this to my Instagram story and 4 hours later, this friend texted me demanding I take it down because he worried it made him look  "racist"...... 

Although my friend had lovely sensitive intentions, to me, the idea of worrying about being "racist" for doing this in itself a form of racism because it assumes a) that I am "mocking" being an at-home care provider or b) mocking people from the Caribbean in some way c) That somehow, someone of a different skin tone could potentially look at my Instagram story and designate my friend as "racist" for joining me in the imitation I was doing..... which has the underlying belief that minorities have no backbone to handle a simple imitation, which had nothing but neutral intentions!!!!!

To appease my friend, I took the video down as I wanted to respect his boundaries however the underlying assumptions he was making were so hyper-politically correct and serving nobody, except his own sense of righteousness, in my opinion.

Comedy is based on illuminating stereotypes and doing things which are not "normal" - to me, laughter is a physical survival response to the "atypical" of society, whether a person with Downs Syndrome or an imitation of a white manager (ps this girl is amazing); and not always a form of shame. 

Laughter is a way people can learn to take themselves less seriously, of any background; and the idea that people are policing other people for fear they will be seen as "racist" is really a step in the wrong direction.

The irony is that this same friend and I once went to an extremely tiny independent store deep in an entirely black area in Brooklyn owned by an African man who sold all kinds of incredible African masks and "good luck" botanica candles, and my friend wanted to buy candles (to re-sell at his own store) and demanded a very steep discount from this store owner because he was buying 10 candles. I told my friend that the candles were only $8 to begin with, why would he need them to be cheaper? And my friend said "No, haggling is like a big thing in Africa. Trust me. This is how they do it" I WAS LIKE BARFFFFF  How presumptious is THAT? Especially when my friend had a lot of disposable income and we were in a tiny store in the heart of Brooklyn! It was so mortifying to witness my friend get the man to reduce the candle price to $4/piece just so he could "do the African haggling thing" - To me, what is more racist? Me doing a benign imitation or asking a small business owner to make half of a sale because "that's what African people do?" :/

Despite my mortification over the situation, I am not trying to paint him as "wrong" and me as "right"- because neither one of us are right or wrong; but it is just so illuminating how people have such blind spots to their own righteousness....and perhaps myself included in this! 

I have a new amazing friend who found out my "views" and has been confiding in me that she feels the same way (hi if you are reading this) and we both have been looking at all of the "cultural icons" of NYC/LA who are blindly getting "the jab" - all of these "cool people" who I never quite understood such as Patti Smith and other "cool cultural icons" - and they are all lining up to do what is being asked of them, all these self-proclaimed individual rebels who are NOT questioning things!!! It BLOWS MY MIND!!!!! 

I literally felt so alienated my whole life like I did not "fit in" and as a survival response, from age 16-32 I attempted to "fit in" so I would feel acceptance and love... (by taking Accutane to cure my acne, dressing in a "trendy way", GETTING HIPSTER BANGS, watering my weirdness down to fit in/dressing homely/hiding my beauty/not wearing fitting clothing or makeup so I didn't make other girls feel jealous/etc) - I PLAYED SMALL SO I COULD FIT IN BECAUSE I THOUGHT I NEEDED THAT TO SURVIVE!

I thought that the only way I would ever become famous was if I conformed and played "the game" (of conformity). Sure, I genuinely believed in the things I believed in ("be vegan" "vote Bernie Sanders" "climate change will kill us all by 2020, thanks Saint Al Gore" etc) but a part of me was amplifying these beliefs publically because I saw that they got me positive feedback (which is very human, in a Pavlovian conditioning kind of way) - I really understand why I believed all of these things because this is all I was presented at the time by my schooling/culture and because my subconscious was so much in fear (from an unsafe childhood), I clung to any idea which made me feel like I would "save the world"

What I found so fascinating was that once I started noticing things that didn't "add up" (reading about how GM0s have been found to cause sterilization, noticing all the confusing white lines in the sky, and wondering why the rush for 5.gee technology over other more pressing issues such as world hunger/etc....) I STOPPED BEING POPULAR/AN "IT GIRL" LOL.

Once I started sharing these rightful concerns, PEOPLE STOPPED CLAPPING.

Nobody wanted to hear about these subversive topics and I was like WAIT, WHY? That was in 2015 and ever since then it has been devolving ever since. ALL of the things that are most important to discuss in the name of peace and progress are censored.

THIS IS BECAUSE OLD MEDIA IS A TOOL OF THE OLD PARADIGM AND WE ARE HERE TO MAKE NEW MEDIA FOR THE NEW PARADIGM.

Little did I know at the time that the well of lies ran so much deeper than I was told (of course) - but HEY, I JUST REALIZED I AM BEING A HYPOCRITE ON TODAY'S BLOGPOST BECAUSE I AM NOT FOCUSING ON SOLUTIONS LIKE I SAID I WOULD... OOPS 

But IT'S OK -  what I am focusing on is exercising my authentic self expression and to me, this is a solution (SOUL-UTION) as my soul wants to be free and it is up to me to let her/him/it out of the cage of self-censorship.

EXPRESSING OUR TRUTH IS A SOLUTION. ONCE WE DO THIS, WE GIVE OTHERS PERMISSION TO EXPRESS THEIR TRUTH (EVEN IF IT IS TO THE SAME 12 PEOPLE WHO READ THIS BLOG OVER AND OVER FOR SOME REASON AND HAVE NEVER MET ME IN IRL. HI  INTERNET FRIENDS I LOVE YOU)

There is the subconscious, the conscious, and the self-conscious. The self-conscious sabotages authentic expression as a protective mechanism to avoid criticism and danger. We avoid criticism because we were brainwashed into thinking we were stupid and unloveable and mean if we didn't follow orders. When we risk facing criticism, we risk facing the part of us we have tried to bury.

I noticed that my social media posts discussing GM0s or 5gee or my dad's chemotherapy journey (which fueled so much of my awakening) DID NOT GET LIKES compared to when I was following the herd in the designated appropriate activism topics such as "go Bernie go! i heart socialism even though I don't understand the deep involvement of corporations in shaping public services!".

Because I cared about social media/being liked, it was very disconcerting to me that I would get significantly less likes on my posts when I discussed things I was passionate about - and so it made me gradually post less and less.....

Now because of the pandemic, I see how social media has been intentionally used to diffuse passionate activists and "shadowban" them - like I was since 2015.... and for years I really did feel ashamed like "WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?"

I really did not want to show off my body to get "likes" because that just felt weird and creepy to me; but I just could not understand why people were so "turned off" when I posted about serious things....

I tried a "compromise" on my Facebook/Instagram where I included a pretty photo of myself but made the caption super long and deep, but even that didn't get the level of engagement I hoped for.

Now that I understand how algorithms and data mining work, I believe that all my posts were intentionally hidden because of just how divergent-thinking they were!

All the people I resonate with have been shadowbanned/hidden and all of them are questioning things just like I am. I can't express the weird feeling of relief I have where I now realize that all of media/social media has been a tool of mental and physical and spiritual enslavement.... !

I honestly see it as a compliment that I could never properly fit in!!! This is just such a big deal for me, it is hard to explain it in words but I really feel at peace in a way that I haven't!

I pray that everyone (even people I disagree with) are able to navigate life in a peaceful healthy way - I really do, I am just so happy I am not like any of them!!!!!

MY SOUL SAVED ME! THANK GOD I NEVER FIT IN!