There is a huge emphasis in spiritual ideology on "forgiveness"

Forgiveness of others and self.

What is completely ignored is righteous anger and sadness.

We are somehow expected to just "forgive" but to me, this is not natural and unless you acknowledge that it is okay to be sad and angry, you will not be able to authentically move to the step of forgiveness.

I am very much in the stage of anger at my parents/family for not providing a nurturing supportive healthy environment for me, while ALSO being grateful for them.

I think that when I try to ignore or shame my real feelings, it will stop the true process of healing.

This is why I am energized today, because I am admitting and mourning my life from age 0-37 where I kept hoping and praying that one of my parents would come and 'save the day' and protect me, and they never did.

It was only after my dad died did I finally have any kind of support, because of the financial choices I made towards my health with the sale of my dad's house. It was me who supported me.

Of course I know my parents did the best they could - but it honestly was not good enough for my level of emotional and physical needs.

This is the kind of thing that would infuriate my parents to read but it is true. My feelings and needs were a total burden to my parents, and I know it is because both of my parents were shamed by their families from having needs.

I am so glad I am finally admitting this to myself now and feeling my level of anger.

I am so happy my friend Stephen validated how emotionally unavailable my mother is.

It is so sad to finally accept she will never be as introspective or healing-focused as I am, and it is sad to know I cannot have a deep relationship with her or feel supported by her. It is hard to accept her as she is, but I know this is OK because I am finally learning that I can take care of myself better than anyone else can, and this takes the pressure off my parents to take care of me.

This is okay to realize at 37 but it was completely unfair to try to take care of myself as a child, which is what I did. I was the parent in my relationship with my parents, and I mourn my childhood as I never had a normal childhood of just playing and trusting my parents could take care of me.

I am really angry today but I love that I am finally allowing myself to feel this way even if my family were to 'disown me' or think I am a jerk for feeling this way.

God is my Twin Flame now,