Thanks to the anonymous blog reader who sent me such a generous donation via Venmo for Goblin's medical expenses. I was not expecting to make $100,000! Thank you!

I am totally kidding. None of you sent me anything which at first made me feel extremely rejected as if I am writing this blog to an apathetic audience who does not care about me or Goblin or appreciate how much I have poured my heart and soul out here on this secret blog; but I know these are difficult times and I did not ask in a professional capacity like a GoFundMe or Kickstarter for his expenses; More than anything, though his costs were surprisingly steep, I asked you all  for help as an exercise in vulnerability and doing that was actually a very big deal for. me.

Please see my last post so this one makes sense, if you haven't read it already :)

It is actually healing to ask for money in such a low stakes way and not get any; I know I need to experience rejection in a small way in order to potentially handle rejection in a big way.

I did not want to ask on Instagram or Facebook but I realize now that I could if I needed to, especially seeing the hundreds of people who were so compassionate to me on those 2 platforms in the last 24 hours when I shared the news of Goblin's passing.

I am ready to make money sharing my true gifts with the world and knowing that I deserve money even though I am not a 9-5 thinker or conventional in my lifestyle, schedule, goals or ideologies.

Despite what an anomaly I am, it is healing for me to realize that me 'being myself' has monetary value; that I deserve to charge people money to have access to my gifts.  

I have to take myself seriously if I want others to take me seriously.

I need to see my own value if I want others to see my value, including monetarily.

I also know that this blog is a gift to myself, as it is the first time I am being so honest about things, both to others and even to myself. I will never forget writing this blog just as I will never forget Goblin.

I understand these times are challenging and that most people are scared for the future; I am grateful that I was able to pay for Goblin's expenses and despite the gloom and doom energy bombarding humanity, I remain hopeful for the first time that I will never be homeless and never in poverty, the way my mom made reality seem when I was a child.

I am grateful to all of you for reading this blog even if you can't donate anything to Goblin and I do not take it personally.

I am learning for the first time to make things and express myself for MYSELF instead of catering to anyone else's opinions. Not even anyone who reads this blog.

I think we should all be creating from the place of joy; that is our birthright...

In the new paradigm we will have all our needs met; housing, medicine, food, water, transportation and community. We already have the technology for it, but it has been hidden from humanity to have a false sense of control over people....

I am grateful to have healed my brain fog and trauma so I have the freedom to express myselves fully. Part of why I have not made a real website yet is because I did not take myself seriously or feel I deserved a professional website. I also was afraid of being seen for being myself. I was also afraid that people would reach out to me and I wouldn't know how to reject them professionally or romantically.

As much as I miss Goblin so so much, I know that he kept me in a holding pattern of being a hermit and completely hidden and focused on him with my love and attention and time.

I will keep writing this blog for myself but I thank you for being along for the ride and hope you and your pets are safe.