Do you feel the absolute changes on our planet right now? It is so incredible we are all being pushed to see our inner pain and inner truth now, and to feel more confident in our own skin. At least that's what it feels like over here, in the timeline I jumped to through my own inner-transmutation, but hopefully you are feeling groovy/uncomfortably shifted as well.

Yesterday I drove to my favorite 600acre abandoned park and asked the trees about some things and again, I was given such precise helpful information! There was one particular tree that was exactly my height, with really beautiful ivy tendrils and I shook his hand in an old-timey way and said "Pleased to meet you!" - If you saw this tree I am sure you would have totally done the same.

The trees told me that my download on Friday that "surprises can be a good thing" was actually about seeing the scary jail man and feeling so surprised to realize he was not a random actor in the park but likely an unstable weirdo. That was such a surprise and so off-putting, and I was so upset at the way it "killed my vibe" after such a great experience with my therapist; but the trees said yesterday that the surprise of that jail man situation happening was GREAT because I got to uncover the issue regarding my mother and her lack of facial expression. It said that situation was to show me that triggers/surprises can teach us deeper lessons than comfort/"the known" ever will. I was like OHHH OK NOW I GET IT. THANK YOU TREES!

I also have been feeling honestly very sad that George is now dating the nextdoor neighbor who was noisy; it made me feel like everything we had together was a lie... so I asked the trees about this and they said that he would have been absolutely heartbroken had he not had someone to move onto and share his love with. He is someone who needs female companionship and if you couldn't be it, he needed to move on quickly so he could protect his heart from actually feeling the true level of mourning that would be necessary over you leaving, after having been so close and intimate the last 2 years. Deep down, I truly do want George to find love and have a family again (he said he wanted to have a daughter with me and live in a cabin, which was tempting, but I know deep down that I need to learn a lot more before I settle down and have a family - and I absolutely do not want a relationship based on codependency, which is what my dynamic was with George, as much as I love him dearly) Up until this year, ALL my friendships were co-dependent because I did not believe in myself or my ideas, so I NEEDED other people to tell me what to do, so I would feel "safe" - 

It was only in 2017 when I went to Bali by myself and I took the advice of staying in 2 particular hotels that my 2 best friends at the time recommended, and those hotels were my least favorite of all the places I stayed, did I wonder "Maybe I do know what's best for myself just by trusting my intuition"

As I mentioned in a previous post, I ended up staying at an Ashram I found based on my intuition yelling at me to stop the taxi in a random village and the taxi driver saying "Sorry lady, this place is closed" but my intuition knew better and the taxi driver angrily got out of the taxi, grabbed my luggage from the trunk and drove off in a huff. I knocked on the door of the ashram and a beautiful gentle old man answered and said that I was their first guest, and I stayed alone in this ashram for an entire month (people starting coming after about 7 days) - The people who ran the ashram told me that only special people find their location and that the taxi companies were paid off by the large hotels to get tourists to "only stay at the big hotels" - and because the ashram did not pay off the taxi drivers, the taxi drivers told tourists that the ashram was "closed" - Thank God I listened to my intuition! THIS was one of the first times in my entire life when I listened to myself, despite 'logic' and shame from others.....

If you follow me on instagram, you will see I did a brave storytime in the last 24 hours. I am doing it as an experiment to weed out people or see if people react negatively. If they do, it will help me know where I still need to heal... I believe that anytime someone makes you feel small, it is because deep down you already feel that way about yourself. At least that has been true for me!

I really feel like millions of people are waking up to the "crazy" things I have been saying for years; and I am SO HAPPY. Now I just really need to focus on self-sufficiency because to me, this type of tyranny is going to continue until we "stop buying what they are selling" aka we create our own privatized versions of society where we are not dependent in any way on doing monetary exchange with companies/locations that do not share our commitment to true health and freedom.

Out of anything I have done, healing my childhood trauma has been instrumental in me feeling safe enough to express myself, for the main reason being that I realize my safety is NOT dependent on everyone liking me. Now I get to decide if I like other people and the way they treat ME! I get to decide who I want in my life, and what type of behavior I will tolerate. I get to decide where to go and what to say. I get to speak up for myself knowing that I literally can outwit and physically beat up pretty much anyone. When I was younger I would get into so many physical fights with boys and I was scared of my own physical strength and I went in the reverse direction where I played small and thought I was helpless. One of the things George always reminded me was that I am very strong and that he would be scared of fighting me. He said that when we hugged, that my bones were like a gorillas or chimpanzees, and not like a typical woman's (IS THIS A COMPLIMENT? THANKS I GUESS!) but I honestly feel like he is probably right. I AM a lot stronger than most people, and because of this, I was shamed and tricked into thinking I was weak, so I was never a "threat"....

I am not trying to incite fighting but I am finally feeling my own strength for the first time and I really realize that I can ride the waves of life, and that nobody can trick me into playing small ever again. I also do not need anyone to like me for playing small; 

I used to worry that I would offend all my celebrity Instagram friends by posting any of my true beliefs, but if my friendship with these people is based on me hiding myself/my beliefs/playing small, then it is not a true friendship anyway, it is a PERFORMANCE. And they need to be paying me for my performance, and they are not, so they can go away if they don't like the way I think.

One main thing I have learned, which I already knew but forgot, was that I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR ANYONE ELSE. I literally don't,  even if I "think I do"... which is why when I express things, I cannot claim that I know the "right" decision for anyone, only myself.... This is actually a relief because I don't need to try to "wake anyone up", I only need to share my perspective based on my own life experience. If someone were to shame me for that, that is an indication that they are dismissing my reality and not someone I want in my life anyway.

The beautiful thing is that so many random nice people have reached out to me via Instagram and thanked me for being so brave, and I feel like I actually like these people all across the planet WAY MORE than any of my "old celebrity friends" who only liked boring parties and GMO brunch foods and watching boring movies!!! I would much rather be friends with people who are weird and wonderful! I DON'T EVEN LIKE BRUNCH!!!

I DON'T WANT PRETTY BORING FRIENDS WHO ACCEPT THINGS AT FACE VALUE!!!! I DON'T EVEN LIKE CROWDS OR WATCHING MOVIES SO WHAT IS THE POINT? 

After seeing how the masses are so blindly lining up to poison themselves, I don't even think being famous would have been enough to "wake people up"; not to mention, I WOULD HAVE BEEN A VERY BAD CELEBRITY AND GOTTEN CANCELLED OR SUICIDED VERY QUICKLY FOR ACTUALLY TRYING TO WAKE PEOPLE UP.

Luckily, there is a split happening, aided by Cryptocurrency where we can have our OWN SOCIETY and true artists/creators can express themselves openly without censorship. This is what I envision for the New Paradigm and I want to perform in this world. I DO NOT WANT APPROVAL FROM SOCIETY ANYMORE. THEY ARE BORING AND NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!

HAVE YOU WATCHED MODERN TELEVISION IN THE LAST 10 YEARS? It is 90% garbage and I don't even want to fit in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH 

PS THIS IS THE FIRST THING BESIDES MYSELF AND MY BUNNY THAT I HAVE LAUGHED AT IN WEEKS