I have cut off my mother from my relationship with myself for the past 7 days. This is the first time since 2017 when I went to Bali did I have a break from my mother. I feel amazing not speaking with her. She is not a 'narcissist' but a developmentally stunted person who shames emotions and criticisms because she was taught to shame herself. I have outgrown her emotionally just like I have outgrown all of my friendships where gossip and joking around was the nucleus of the connection and now I crave a deeper relationship with everyone in my life; I can no longer be a pretzel to fit into others lives any longer, not even my mothers.

I did not realize how toxic my relationship with my mother was until I became sane again and saw how little celebration there was for me curing myself of OCD, anxiety and suicidal tendencies among other issues. My mother did not seem to care, and encouraged me multiple times to go back on antidepressants and I see now it was so I could fit into her puzzle of passive aggressive emotionally stifled reality and I cannot do that anymore.

Society has been the developmentally stunted parent which shames us questioning things and I cannot entertain these relationships in my personal life.

I have baby Carlen to raise!!!!

Yesterday I began re-reading "From Survivng to Thriving" and the author Pete Walker shared an anecdote in the beginning of the book about how when he went to India in the 1960s, he was anxious because there was a sea of Bangladeshi migrants who were sleeping on the streets and he dreaded seeing them in the daylight, imagining them in pain and suffering.

When he arose, he was pleasantly shocked to find that all the migrants were lying on their blankets in the streets, with portable ovens and radios, singing and making food and hugging their children and happy and connecting. He felt a sense of joy and envy wash over him, as he saw that these families were so secure that nothing external or situational could stop their connection and he said he only saw that same level of connection between fathers and children/mothers and children/mothers and fathers when he witnessed Aboriginal cultures and other "non-modern" cultures.

How fitting.

This anecdote really touched me as I have felt like I have the weight of the world on me, figuring out how to evade the New World Order/Agenda30/food crisis attempts through GMOs and geoengineering, and now I realize that in the daylight, I will find others on the blanket with me, holding me and letting me know we are all in this together.

Will you be on that blanket with me remembering you are not alone either as we hold each other and remember we only have to figure out Today?